The following morning after running through my presentation a few more times, I took a long shower and pulled on the yellow cocktail dress he’d bought me. I hadn’t been eating nearly as healthy as I had during our two months of pretend. But it still fitted me perfectly, hugging my curves in a way that felt sophisticated and mature. Like a flower all grown up. And I was right about pairing it with my pink cardi. That one addition dressed it down enough to make it appropriate for a thesis presentation.

I’d taken out my braids a few days ago. And last night, instead of dealing with the item tucked away in my Aggretsuko tote, I’d done a deep conditioning treatment on my hair. So my long curls were well defined and popping above my outfit. It made me want to Instagram my entire look: Feeling cute? Think I’ll go present my thesis. #thesisonlock #loveorigins #adultingonfleek

So yeah, I was totally feeling myself as I made my way downstairs to meet Wayne in the carport. I wondered if Victor would surprise me by showing up for my official presentation too. Just in case he did, I once again rehearsed what I’d say to him.

How I’d apologized and invite him to talk. Like, really talk in a way that would maybe not make the bomb I was carrying in my tote so scary.

I was no longer a confused college student, but I couldn’t stop playing the what-if game with the night we fell apart. I’d been so excited to talk with him about the presentation after everyone left. What would’ve happened if we got to eat ice cream and chatted like the friends we used to be in high school? If Asher hadn’t kissed me? If I had kept a clear head when Victor came at me with all his accusations?

If we hadn’t gotten into that horrible fight.

For some reason, the long-forgotten words the judge spoke to me on my wedding day chose that moment to come back.

“…with these kind of marriages, the kind that begin in anger, my advice is to release the past, and whatever came before today. This marriage might have begun for certain reasons, but you and he can decide where it goes. You’re husband and wife now. Try to make this into the kind of union you want. I’ve seen others do it.”

Tears stung my eyes. Regrets that I didn’t know how to fix.

But maybe I could…maybe I could fix them. Fix us. Maybe tonight Victor and I could finally talk about making our marriage the kind of union we both wanted.

That small, mutinous hope shivered in my heart as Wayne drove me toward RhIDS.

Only to die a horrible death just a few minutes later.