“What are you doing?” Victor asked when he came downstairs dressed in his usual suit. No tie today, though.

“You’ll see,” I sing-songed in answer to his question, delighted with my secret plan. But then I had to ask, “Can you make Wayne take me to the grocery store after school?”

I knew the day guard’s name now. Another benefit of this game of pretend. Victor had told me all about the grizzled day guard, including his history as a Red Diamond and his semi-retirement as my driver/guard. “I promise not to buy any alcohol, but I really want to shop for myself today.”

Victor considered the request, tilting his head slightly to the side. He seemed to be making a decision when he signed, “You can have alcohol if you want. I won’t stop you.”

Excitement bloomed inside of me at the thought of being able to drink for the first time in nine years.

But then I remembered the sight of my mother in that hospital bed. Of taking out the trash after dinner and finding the recycling filled with empty bottles—both the trashcan in the kitchen and the big blue one she kept outside for pickup. Of how she tried to day drink right before the surgery. Just like I used to before Victor cut me off.

More memories piled up on top of those. My mom had been a consummate mother in the afternoons and early evenings, but it had been on us to get ourselves to school every morning. She always slept in, even though she’d often disappear into her room soon after my father left for the night in Japan. I also recalled how my grandpa’s face had always been flushed red when we visited him in the evening. Of how he died of the same cancer that was now threatening my mother.

Now that Victor had offered to lift his alcohol ban, I sensed a ticking genetic bomb that I hadn’t before in my unspoken family history. And I found myself realizing out loud, “No, I think cutting alcohol might have been one of the best things that ever happened to me. I’m good with sparkling water, how about you?”

He considered my words for a thoughtful moment, then signed, “I think that is wise. And I’m good with water too.”

After that, we chatted about way more boring things. Like the weather, my school projects, and who each of us thought would win the latest season of American SuperStar, the singing competition I’d convinced him to watch with me a few times.

Eventually, we got to the part of our new routine where he drove me to school and dropped me off before he went wherever he went every day.