Very Short Stories

Table of Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1: - Relationships

Chapter 2: - Family

Chapter 3: - Life

Chapter 4: - Sex

Chapter 5: - Work

Chapter 6: - Death

Chapter 7: - Other Worlds

About the Author

Copyright Page

Dedication

For my monkeys. When you’re older you can read this.

Each word I write drops a little more of me onto the page. In time, I will be the book, the book will be me, and the story will be told.

Introduction

This book started as an experiment on Twitter. I’ve heard people talk about writer’s block but never really believed in it. I wanted to find out for myself if I could run out of ideas. If I wrote down all of the stories I could think of, would more ideas arrive to fill the void?

So far the answer has been yes.

I’ve written over 700 of these bite-size stories so far, and more arrive in my mind each time I sit down to write. There have been a few times when the next story did not turn up on schedule, and I wondered if I was done. At these moments, I had a couple of tricks I used to keep the ideas flowing.

Trick #1 — I asked my followers on Twitter to send me a noun for inspiration. The nouns that inspired me I used in a story. I like this trick a lot. I learned it teaching and performing improv comedy, where we often ask the audience for a suggestion to inspire a scene. My favorite thing about this trick is that it makes the writing a collaborative process.

There are so many stories in this collection that I would never have written if I had not received a noun from a reader. I’ve found that by collaborating creatively with others, we can go some place together that neither one of us would have gone alone.

There is an important part to this trick. I do not use suggestions that do not inspire me. It’s the same when I perform improv comedy. I ask the audience for several suggestions and look at the faces of my fellow performers to see when a suggestion inspires them. It’s easy to tell — their faces light up when they are inspired. When I see that, I know we’re ready to create.

Trick #2 — Be willing to write a bad story. I think this is the place that most people experience what they call writer’s block. It has to do with judging the results as we’re creating them. If you judge as you create, then you start to edit yourself before you have a chance to express the thoughts. This can lead to creative paralysis. My improv comedy training has freed me from this burden. I know that sometimes the work I produce will be good, sometimes it will be so-so, and on some occasions the special magic will happen and it will be spectacular. So instead of wondering whether the current story will be any good, I just keep writing. Sometimes when a story is done and I don’t feel it’s one of my best, I send it out into the world anyway. This reminds me not to be attached to the results, keeps me humble, and makes way for the next story to arrive.

The most unexpected part of this book has been the wonderful response I’ve gotten from the followers of my stories on Twitter. Every day, people I don’t know, from all over the world, write to me to say how much they enjoy the stories I’ve written. Strangers have been wonderfully kind and supportive. They continue to send me nouns to inspire more stories. It’s the interacting and collaborating with readers that made the process of creating this book so wonderfully joyous.

Join the conversation and collaborate on more stories:
Twitter.com/veryshortstory
Facebook.com/veryshortstory

— Sean Hill

Chapter 1:

Relationships

I wrote “I love you” a thousand times on the walls, but you were too deep in a romance novel to notice I wanted to be more than roommates.

Chris likes cougars. They’re experienced. They’re sexy. The things they could do together. If only he could catch one. Chris is 85.

I put myself on the curb and waited for the trash truck to collect me. Hoping to find you. Didn’t mean to call you trashy.

Suzy wasn’t sure why she liked Trey. He didn’t have much money and wasn’t good looking. Maybe the fact he loved her counted for something.

I never had much luck with women till that day in the lab. Then things changed. Now, they can’t get enough of me. Seems invisible is sexy.

Called my dad to let him know my wife, Janice, was gone. “What happened?” asked my dad. “My fault,” I said, “forgot to lock the door.”

Marrying a robot wife was the answer to my loneliness, until I woke up to an empty bed and found her cuddling the refrigerator.

I met Mary in the grocery store. She smiled at me and I fell in love instantly, missing the red flag that she was wearing only one shoe.

For Walt, there were two kinds of women: those who liked him and those who didn’t. He only liked those who didn’t, sensing their good taste.

He married her, saying how special she was. Then at her happiest moment, he touched her, turning her to stone, so her feeling would last.

I strapped on my goggles and jumped into the flames. I loved Mirabel. Dammed if I’d let the Devil have her because she had impure thoughts.

I put the poison in the cup and we sat down to tea. My wife, Hilda, chattered on, not noticing I’d expired, finally finding peace and quiet.

Met Alysa on the beach. Took her to my car, dried her off. When legs did not magically appear, I lost interest, dropped her at the aquarium.

Mona softly opened the door and turned on her flashlight. He was sleeping. She couldn’t get her dignity back, but she could get her money.

Would she still love me? I rang the doorbell. It opened. She was still beautiful. “Pookie!” she said, just like she did 50 years ago.

Met Ellie at a club, fell in love, and asked her to move in. The next day she arrived at my house holding a banjo. I knew we were doomed.

Math has always been my favorite subject. I get along with numbers. They make sense. Numbers don’t lie. Why couldn’t he be a number?

Climbing into the dirigible, we embraced, thrilled to elope. Everything was perfect. “Uh-oh,” said David, “One of us has to cast off.”

“Do you love me, Phillip?” asked Priscilla. “That’s a silly question,” he replied, still looking at his paper. “I thought so,” she said.

Clowning was Daryl’s profession, cooking was his passion. Stella thought he was perfect. She liked to laugh and never learned to cook.

Dana got in the cab wanting to get home. Bad blind date. Alone. Feeling desperate. “You want to get a drink?” she asked the cabbie.

Johnny worked up his nerve. “You want to go on a date?” “I don’t think that is a good idea,” said Ms. Brackle, his 5th grade teacher.

The catapult launched Tom toward Kim’s window. He crashed through with the banner proclaiming his love. She, however, was at the pool.

Alex bought Sharon a ring for Valentine’s Day, which she sold to buy the gun that stopped him from loving her.

Jim and Stella shredded their relationship in the lobby. Screaming about never seeing each other but joined by the last available room.

Jack told his girlfriend problems to his rock collection. They were old and wise, knowing just to listen, not tell him what to do.

Darla’s beauty was staggering… literally. When men saw her, they staggered and fell down. Lonely, she resorted to dating blind men.

David liked ants, the only pet his parents had approved of. He designed his house like an ant colony but still searched for his queen.

Read your diary, discovered your secret. I thought I loved you, but now I’m not sure. Don’t know what to do, you look so human.

Justin probed Mary’s cerebral cortex, removing the unwanted thoughts. No longer would she think of sweets, now she would crave him.

Sheila liked Ken in the same way she liked a Filet-O-Fish sandwich when she was thinking of lobster. He was right here, right now.

After swimming, Tom walked on the beach, unable to find his hotel. Rita, sure he’d left her, spent their wedding night with the bellboy.

The date went poorly. Wendal and Marge discovered nothing in common and didn’t know what to talk about when they woke up in the morning.

Silas camped by the mailbox, waiting on his pen pal’s letter. In love with Marie, he was destroyed to learn she was an old man in prison.

I wore the flip-flops everywhere. When they wore out, I carried the pieces. Beautiful Rita said she’d be back for them. I was waiting.

I used my second wish to undo the first. Your body sprang back to life. The third wish I’m keeping, in case you get out of line again.

He loved her through her multitude of boyfriends, hoping she’d come to her senses and love him. Finally he settled for her sister.

Tony was sure that Eunice wanted him. When he proposed, she didn’t know how to explain that he was her imaginary friend.

Some people get things bronzed, I had my first wife encased in gold. I really liked her. I won’t let one indiscretion tarnish her memory.

Kim walked down the aisle. Suddenly she saw herself burst into the room. “Stop! Don’t marry Phil! You’ll learn to love yourself!”

Outside the window, Mark stood in the moonlight, serenading Vicky. Her heart remained closed, unmoved by the sounds of his tuba.

Tired of being wanted for her looks, Kim shaved her head before the blind date. Ted dressed like a tramp, hiding his wealth. Both ran.

Walter loved Jillian, the librarian. He longed to sort her stacks, turn her pages, but they were shelved apart, classics and new releases.

It worked. Clara had finally gotten Donald to marry her. Happy at last. Somehow she would hide the fact there was no inheritance.

The postcard arrived in May. “Sorry” was all it said. At least, I knew now, Bridget was alive. Wish she had shown up for our honeymoon.

Years later, sitting alone in his mansion, with no one to hold him, it finally hit him. “This is what she meant.”

After our date, we went home and found your place had been robbed. It made me feel bad about all the times I thought about robbing you.

Dear Chocolate Cake, Last night was so special. I’ve never been kissed like that. You’re the one. Hope you feel the same. Check yes or no.

Seven more days of school. Seven more chances for him to notice her. Lilly’s outfits got sexier each day. Brian and his guide dog never noticed.

I fell in love with Georgette the first time she whispered in my ear. Her body was all woman, but she had the mind of a truck driver.

Karen slipped out of John’s bed and made the long walk home. At first it was just for fun, but when love arrived it was time for her to go.

Darla snuggled Rick on the plane, headed for a second honeymoon. Things had changed since her coma. She’d forgotten all about his affairs.

Leeann’s words crushed Brian’s heart like a sledgehammer. Their relationship was ruined. How could she have said it? “Who is Spock?”

First date with HotGinger142 tonight. I hid my soul under the bed. Things I do with people I meet online, I don’t want my soul to see.

Marla began to fidget behind the desk. “Well?” said Dave, still holding out the ring. Marla raised her hand showing the ring from Bob.

Roy found her scarf on the sidewalk. Left for him? An invitation? He ran to look for her. Relieved, Sara snuck back into the party.

Kim refused to walk down the runway in the swimsuit. I yelled through the megaphone, “You are not fat!” to overcome the voices in her head.

Ted eased the boat out of the slip. Betty was impressed. She hoped he maneuvered that well in bed, but even if he didn’t, he had a boat.

I could tell by her fur she wasn’t from around here. We chitchatted. I put on the moves. We went to my place. In spring, we had cubs.

Ty softly tossed a pebble at Jill’s window. In return, a large rock hit him squarely in the head. He would take that as a “no.”

“Do you ever wish you had married someone else?” asked Gina. Albert’s brain went into overdrive seeking the correct answer. “No?”

“You are a liar!” said Christy. “Only about that,” said John. “That still makes you a liar!” “OK…I do think you’re fat. That better?”

The serendipity of the situation amused Carl. He had left his wife, May, and fallen in love with June, her divorce lawyer.

You asked for flowers and I brought flowers. You asked for dancing and I danced. I asked for your love and you gave back the flowers.

4 a.m. You are awake. I am awake. We are having THE talk. In the morning I will pretend to look for work.

“You are the Holy Grail of girlfriends,” said John. Erica smiled and snuggled close to enjoy the moment. His wife would be home soon.

Bill left the coffee shop disappointed. She hadn’t come. He felt rejected. Pam waited patiently at another Starbucks across the street.

Mindy didn’t go anywhere without her cherry-flavored Chapstick. Paul resented it. He wanted to be the one caressing those lips.

Karen lay back on the piano, inviting Kyle to have her. Unaware, he continued to discuss the nuances of Bach and how they excited him.

“I’m glad you’re sleeping over,” said Kent. “I feel safe with you,” said Lori. He turned on his Batman night-light. Now they both felt safe.

“I need commitment,” said Amy. Mark ripped off his shirt and wrote “Amy’s” on his chest in permanent marker. Now, she felt safe to love him.

“Yes, I’ll marry you,” she said. Then I asked, “You’re picking ME right, not because I’m the last man on Earth?” She bit her lip. “Ummm….”

Walter sat staring at the screen. Melissa’s IM invited him to coffee. He paused for a moment then pushed delete. Walter preferred tea.

Marty and Warren eased through the warehouse window. After tonight they’d be rich, then finally they’d be together. Weddings are expensive.