His gold chain is still sitting on my dresser. I don’t check if it’s fine enough to hold the medallion. I don’t touch it at all.

Chapter Nine

January Whitehall

People have always thought I was stupid. I’m the baby of my family. I couldn’t say ‘spaghetti’ properly until I was twelve. My grades have always been terrible, and I believed everything people told me. Santa’s real. Swallowed gum stays inside you for seven years. Storks deliver babies. Margot and Lachlan made sure kids were never mean to me, but they still laughed when I didn’t know what a ‘sausage party’ was or what ‘420’ meant. I read the wrong parts of the book out loud in English class. Bradley Fox made up a song about me in seventh grade. I still know all the words.

January White,

Can’t read or write.

She’s too dumb to play,

And eats dirt all day.

People have always thought I’m stupid, but after Bobby left my cage, I felt stupid. Bone-deep, soul-piercingly stupid.

I don’t have to question what Bobby told me. Mr. Parker is a bad man. The truth is like a spotlight, shining on years of evidence. Mr. Parker watching me carefully while I ate. Mr. Parker always asking about ballet. Mr. Parker begging mom to watch my classes. But more than that, I remember the fearful look in Zia Teresa’s eyes when she saw me in my wedding dress. Her St. Christopher medallion. A last-ditch attempt to protect me from an impossible situation.

I don’t know if Mr. Parker is a bad man the way the four men in this house are bad men. But he’s not who I thought he was. The marriage I imagined having with him, friendly and respectful if not romantic, was a fantasy. He made me do ballet. He controlled my weight through mom. Who knows what else he wanted to do?

I am exactly what Doc told me I was when I first woke up in this house. A stupid girl who can’t see what’s in front of her face.

Bobby’s visit drains the life out of me. I climb back into bed and doze until Mr. Gretzky appears again, banging on my cage door. “Do you want to wash and eat?”

I don’t want to go anywhere but I know I’ll feel better once I’ve had some food. “Sure.”

He throws me the cloth bag and I cover my face and allow Mr. Gretzky to lead me back upstairs to the bathroom. I have another shower and try not to think about the look on Bobby’s face when I told him I can’t be his wife.

There’s a new outfit beside the shower, a red sundress and black leather flats. Shoes that are barely shoes. What do they think I’d do with sneakers? Hit Mr. Gretzky on the head and try to escape? And where are these outfits coming from? Did Eli do a clothing haul when I got here or something?