That night I climbed right on top of him. I rocked back and forth, smooth and easy. Jesse didn’t move. His eyes stayed wide open on the ceiling as if his powers of concentration could lift it right off. Then I rolled off him, pretending that all I wanted was to tickle him some, make him laugh again. Truth is, I felt silly. Real dumb. I tried to turn it into a game. Girl, I told myself, all embarrassed and blushing in the silent way colored girls blush, whatever did you expect to happen? One relevé doesn’t make a dance. He has to move with you. Rhythm isn’t a one-person thing.

My own advice didn’t help. I felt as small as a roach caught on its back, feet treading and tapping the air, eyes and antenna searching every which way and trying not to think about myself because I’d break down and cry, I was so embarrassed. Jesse squeezed my hand. Held it, like Phillip used to do. But Mama wasn’t there combing my hair, and the rash on my behind had long since gone, and the heat in me was just plain shame that my need could show up naked like that when you had to be cool about it. How could I have made Jesse know what he could have done for me? I was afraid he already knew.

“It’s my fault,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Rooms, it’s mine.”

“Look, Jesse, we don’t have to, I mean, there’s no pressure on you or anything. Shoot, I can’t even talk right. Here I am falling for you, you handsome thing, you. And, well, I’m not a pretty woman.”

“Who said? I sure didn’t,” he said.

Well, I shut up just as quick. “There you go, Jesse. All charm and grace.”

“I’m being honest with you, Rooms.”

“Then call me Ruella, my real name.”

“Ruella. “

I took a deep breath. “Don’t call me Rooms. Not unless you mean to come through the door.” I felt much better saying it.

“Ruella, Ruella,” Jesse said. “Pretty Ruella.”

“Don’t mess with me, Jesse. Don’t play with me. Not now, please, not now.”

“We danced.”

“And we’ve been improvising ever since, huh? I need something more, Jesse. Something more than dancing. I can always dance solo.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Rooms.”

“Ruella.”

“Ruella. I don’t want to hurt you, ever.”

“I’m not that fragile, Jesse.”

“But I am,” he said. He pulled back the covers and got out of bed.

“Where’re you going?”

“I am just that fragile.”

“Can’t you put Metro out of your mind for a minute?”

“Like you’ve put Phillip out of yours?”

“That’s not fair, he’s in jail.”

“So am I.”