The first change had come when I found Jesse in the Village. That really frightened me, although I wasn’t aware enough of the strength of that fear to say anything about it. Not to Phillip. Not to myself. I realized how fixed Jesse was. It wasn’t just that he liked having sex with men. That wasn’t it. Jesse wouldn’t change on the inside. That’s where it mattered. I think he couldn’t change. I wanted him to see me for who I was. A woman, yes. A woman and not a room. I didn’t care that he also loved Metro and loved many other men. I thought I was special because I was the only woman he ever had. I thought I could show him places he never knew existed. Secretly, I wished he would stay there. He did care for a while. And we were close for a while. But Jesse still didn’t know who I was. And he didn’t know Metro. When I found that out, seeing how fixed Jesse was and fighting some invisible enemy inside him there in the warehouse, I knew it had to be over between us just like it probably had to be over between him and Metro. Only Metro had no place to go. For me, it was like a twig snapping in the woods, some leaf finally crumbling after it had dried out completely. Jesse and I didn’t have sex after that. We were friends, suddenly, not lovers. Almost brother and sister. I loved Jesse like I loved Phillip. And I was scared to death for both of them.

That was why I let Phillip stay with me as soon as he was out on parole. We all went places together: Abdul, Phillip, and me. We walked everywhere, even in the chilly evenings, careful to avoid subways and dark streets. We were on the outside now. heard the wind in my short, bristly hair and in the leafy hands of trees making noise like applause or laughter. Besides, it was springtime. It was time to laugh.

Phillip asked me about Jesse and I said that we were still friends. He asked about my dancing and I took him to the rehearsals. He liked the music most of all. Ellington, Coltrane, even the classical stuff by Stravinsky. “We dance to all music,” I told him. “And we do all kinds of dances.” I told both of them about Jesse’s dance when we had gone to an African restaurant for dinner. When we got back to my place, Phillip and Abdul looked at each other like something was going on between them. Then, to my surprise, Phillip pulled a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“Your first professional performance,” said Phillip.

“Aw, I perform all the time.”

“But you now have a stage to dance on,” said Abdul. “And people to watch you.”