Harry turned around in his chair and looked up at Jack. “I’m not sure I want to do that, Jack. What the hell is Yoko going to think?”

“She’s going to think just the way I’m thinking. The same way anyone else who hears this is going to think. Identity theft is a big problem in this country. Just go on the Net, and you’ll see it’s actually rampant. As soon as institutions get plans in place, those bastards manage to get around them. I promise you one thing, Harry. If the girls get on this, that son of a bitch is toast, and you’ll get all your money back. Then if you want to…kill that son of a bitch, I don’t think anyone will stop you. But the flip side to that is you’ll go to jail and won’t be able to spend any of that money the girls get back for you. Then Yoko will start to hate you because you made her a widow even before you married her.”

“Eat shit, Jack!”

Ah, the Harry he knew and loved had finally emerged from the sad-sack imposter he had found sitting in front of the dojo.

“Soup’s on. How come you didn’t set the table, Harry?”

Harry clenched his teeth. “Because you didn’t tell me to set the damn table, that’s why. Furthermore, I’m a guest, and you’re supposed to wait on me hand and foot. That’s what a good host does.”

“Yeah, well, don’t go pushing your luck, Harry. We divide everything up here. I cook, you clean up. You do your own laundry. I vacuum, and you dust. We take turns doing the shopping. Yeah, I know you don’t have any money, so I’ll pay for the groceries, but then if I do that, you should cook. None of that alfalfa shit you eat or those sprouts that grow other sprouts right under your eyes and make you poop green. Deal?”

“I hate you, Jack,” Harry said, slamming a plate with purple flowers on it in front of Jack. “Where are the candles?”

“Oh, dear God, mercy me, good heavens, how could I have been so stupid as to forget the candles? You’re an asshole, Harry,” Jack said as he reached into one of the cabinets for a fat yellow candle, which was supposed to smell like warm summer sunshine, and set it in the middle of the table.

“It doesn’t go with the dishes, Jack. It should be lavender.”

“Harry! Shut the fuck up and eat!”

Lizzie clicked on her cell phone. There was a smile in her voice when she said, “Talk to me, Jack. I was in the shower when you called. Cosmo is taking me out to dinner. Why didn’t you leave a message?”

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave this particular message. Listen, Lizzie, something terrible has happened to Harry, so that makes this a personal call. That’s why I didn’t want to leave a message. Someone managed to steal Harry’s identity. He’s been evicted. All his money, all his accounts…gone. He’s staying with me right now and has seventeen bucks to his name and his Ducati. And that’s it. I’m going to tell you now that I broke into the dojo and got his stuff, and, no, I didn’t leave fingerprints. There’s yellow CAUTION tape all around the dojo. One more thing, the person or persons who did this also applied for over a dozen credit cards and ran them up to the max. Harry has over two hundred grand now in credit card debt. He has two cards that he pays off every month. He rarely uses them but will buy something or charge a meal just to keep them active.”