Then Jordan stared at me. “You’re in on this?”

“It was my idea,” Merry said before I could reply. “Don’t blame him.”

Jordan turned slowly to face Merry. “The evil mastermind. I should have known.”

Merry rolled her eyes. “Just shush and listen. These good people would like to get home sometime this year.” Then Merry leaned forward and waved to Bonny and Leah and the others. “Hi, by the way.”

Bonny laughed and waved back. “Hi.”

But then there was a moment of silence, and that was my cue. I was so nervous. My mouth was so dry, I could barely speak. Jordan looked like he hadn’t slept a wink. He looked miserable and wired and hopelessly resigned.

Thank God I’d found some valid posts on line and printed them off. If I had to speak from the heart, it’d be a train wreck for sure.

“What I wanted to talk about today is really important,” I started. “There’s a huge misconception about what being asexual means. Asexuality is such a huge and broad spectrum. It isn’t black and white. There is no right or wrong.

“To be asexual is simply defined as sexual orientation characterised by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. To simplify a complex subject, an asexual person doesn’t experience sexual attraction. But the important difference is that sexual attraction and sexual desire are not the same thing, okay? That’s the tricky part. Let me say that again. Sexual attraction and sexual desire are not the same thing.

“To experience sexual desire doesn’t make someone not asexual. Sexual desire does not make your asexuality invalid.”

I paused and Jordan looked up at me then, and I knew, I just knew I’d hit the nail on the head. So I kept reading straight from my notes. It helped that I could just read and didn’t have to look at him. “In the ace community, we are neither entirely with or without sexual desire, with or without engagement in sexual activity, with or without sexual drive. The stereotype of asexuals being wholly non-sexual or without any hint of attraction towards others is not who we are. Being asexual is varied and diverse, as is the complex relationship between sexuality and attraction.”

I swallowed hard. “To some extent, we all come with a sexual expectation attached to our bodies. It becomes internalised, reinforced, and replicated through the major veins of society: in the workplace, the doctor’s office, at home, on TV, movies, in books. I haven’t met one other asexual person who has not, at some point, internalised their sexuality with social narratives and expectations. Sometimes we don’t even know we do it. Sometimes we’re our own worst gatekeepers.”

I sighed and parked my arse on the table. “I didn’t mean to sound like I was lecturing, sorry.”

“You look really tired,” Bonny said kindly.