What an odd night it had been! Her skin flushed just thinking about it, but she told herself the hot water had something to do with it. They had kissed for an incredibly long time, longer than she thought was even possible, and he had touched her in places she had never thought anyone would touch. Her feelings about this new activity were rather mixed. Many of the things her new husband had done with her—and to her—body had been pleasurable, but it had all been so new, and so very surprising, that she spent half the time overcoming her shock. Just as she got over the newness of a sensation enough to enjoy it, he was shocking her with something even more intimate.

The feel of him on top of her had been indescribable and she felt both profoundly close to him and a little bit scandalized. She told herself this was nothing to be concerned with. After all, a lifetime of modesty was not done away with in a moment.

She wondered if she would have felt differently about it all if she loved him as she had always hoped to love her husband and, as she was realizing, he deserved to be loved. Would she have leapt into his arms as soon as he entered her chambers? Would her shock have been replaced with excitement? Would she have relished every moment in his arms, without worry or confusion? She could not know, of course, but for the first time since her engagement began six weeks ago, she wished she did love him.

Not in the general “I want to marry a man I love” way, but in an “I wish I loved this man” way. Perhaps I will grow to love him, she thought. It is possible, surely. I already like him significantly more than I used to.

Afterward, they had eaten some fruit and cold meat laid out in the sitting room. He had then accompanied her to her bed. She was unsure if he was going to sleep with her or if he wished to lie together again. In the end, he had climbed into the bed, cuddled her close and stroked her hair, and fallen asleep rather quickly. Elizabeth had lain awake, wondering if she would even be able to sleep with this man in her bed, clinging to her so. She eventually fell asleep with her head on his chest and his arm wrapped tightly around her.