Something about the desperation in his voice, and the compromising just to keep talking to me, makes me feel so fucking guilty. I know he’s not trying to make me feel that way, but we’re both in a tough spot, and I know I’m waffling. I should have a clear-cut answer for him, but I don’t.

“I’m sorry, Ryot.”

Panic envelops his irises as his eyes bounce back and forth, looking at me.

Looking for answers.

He swallows hard and says, “Why are you sorry?”

“Because, instead of being a mentally strong person, you must deal with my past trauma, which doesn’t allow me to give you a straight answer. I wish I could, but I’m scared. Damaged. Afraid.” Terrified of feeling so utterly abandoned by the man who swore he’d never leave me. My dad’s true life blindsided me at the funeral, but I’m still unable to fully forgive him for leaving me with Mom when he did. He must have known what she did to me. He heard all the things she said and didn’t defend me. His silence felt like abandonment. And Ryot’s silence triggered that.

“Listen to me,” he says with such strength that it impresses me. I wish I could be as strong as he is. “From the very beginning, I told you I’d help carry your baggage, that you didn’t have to walk alone. And I meant that. I understand what you’ve gone through, and I know how that affects your everyday life. I’m not blind to that, and I knew that going into this relationship. I’m the one who lost sight of it all.”

“You shouldn’t have to babysit me,” I say, feeling ashamed by my past.

“I never babysat you, Myla,” he says. “Marriage is a partnership. We both carry each other in separate ways like you said at dinner. You gave just as much to this relationship as I have. We’ve patched up each other’s wounds, we’ve guided each other through the dark and through the comfort, and when it came down to it, we were each other’s number ones. That’s what falling in love is for, Myla, the give and the take, the partnership, the knowledge that no matter the circumstances, you don’t have to walk alone.”

Tears spring to my eyes, and I let them fall down my cheeks with one blink.

“Baby, why are you crying?” he asks, tugging me closer so we’re only a few inches apart.

“It’s just so much,” I say. “All of it. Everything you’re saying right now makes me believe that things could be okay between us, but you . . . you hurt me, Ryot.”

He presses his lips together as his legs tangle with mine. I can tell he’s drawing closer because he doesn’t want to lose me. “I know. And sorry just isn’t good enough, but I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know how to get over that hurt.” My tears hit my pillow. “But I don’t know how to let go either. You’re the one person who can break me, but also the one person who can put me back together.”