“Nothing,” I spit. In response, the fire snuffs out, plunging us all into darkness, and I curse myself. “He’ll be back eventually.”

chapter twenty

Raze is still a hawk the next morning.

From the window, I can see him perched high above the Destiny in a crooked pine tree, wings tucked in comfortably. He doesn’t look like he plans on coming down and joining us anytime soon.

Since no one wants to be the one to march up to a tree and start yelling at a bird, Isolde and I sit in the wagon, trying to seem like we aren’t waiting for him. Olani, always restless, crouches just outside, next to the faded ashes of the fire. She’s removed everything from her medicine bag and is reorganizing it, even though it was perfectly organized before.

I sit in my bunk silently with my back propped up against the wall, my bare feet skimming the floorboards, and my mind bubbling like an unwatched pot.

Who does Raze think he is? I don’t need anyone to teach me anything about magic, least of all him. Despite the chaos my life has been thrown into recently, I don’t plan to keep bouncing between life-threatening situations, and I don’t want to rely on it.

“Did Raze say something to you?” Isolde asks eventually. She isn’t pretending to polish her knives anymore—she’s looking at me, trying to decipher my face.

I roll my eyes, glancing at the bird. “He’s arrogant and obnoxious and thinks he’s better than everyone else. Isn’t that enough?”

My sister’s mouth presses into a diagonal slash. “Okay... I just thought that...you know, you don’t always understand people or what they’re thinking. Oh, don’t look at me like that. You know I’m right. Maybe if you let me help you, we can make this journey a little less painful for everyone.”

My mouth drops open. “Help me? Why does everyone think I need help? Am I really that useless?”

“No one said you were useless. You’re being difficult, Seelie.” I wish she would sound angry, would match my rising pitch, but she just sounds resigned. It takes all the joy out of fighting with her.

My hands bunch the blankets into tight knots. “He wanted to talk about my magic. Just like everyone else. I know you’ve been waiting for the moment to strike.”

Isolde makes a noise of disbelief, finally showing emotion in the curl of her lip. “Stop acting like a baby. You’re being selfish and ridiculous, and honestly, even I don’t know how to deal with you right now.” Finally, she sounds angry. It...isn’t what I hoped it would be.

“Then, don’t!” I say, too quickly. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I just know that I don’t feel like me, and I haven’t for days now. A frustrated groan tears from between my teeth. “I hate this. I hate all of it. Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?”

Her eyebrows draw together a little. When she speaks, it’s slow and careful. “I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself by ignoring the problem we all know is there. We’re all just trying to—”