“You may find yourself in a situation where carrying a weapon is illegal—and you never want to break the law. If you can possibly help it. Then another kind of weapon can be useful. Not a knife or a blackjack, which is likely to get you into more trouble than your assailant, but something innocuous, like a very tightly rolled newspaper.” He picked up a Wall Street Journal from a table and began rolling it. “Nobody’s going to arrest you for carrying a newspaper, especially the Wall Street Journal, and it would be tough to sue you for it, too. But swing it across a man’s jaw, and you’ll knock him silly, and ramming it into the solar plexus will disable him for a few minutes.”

Josh picked up an umbrella from the table. “In rainy weather, the handle of an umbrella upside the head will divert an assailant’s attention from your client, same to the solar plexus, but don’t use the pointed end for that. Always use an expensive umbrella, because its handle will be heavy enough to hurt. A ten-dollar umbrella from a street vendor won’t be of much use.” He put down the umbrella and picked up a short, thick object in a plastic sleeve. “The folding umbrella—again, a high-quality one—makes a fine club, with just enough padding to keep from splitting somebody’s head open. Also, it’s a good puncher, and especially effective on the back of the neck, if you have that opportunity.”

Josh allowed Herbie to return to his place, then he sat on the table and addressed the group. “Now, let’s talk about guns. If you’re pursuing a career in protection because it allows you to shoot people legally, you’re in the wrong line of work. Join the army. Here are the rules about guns. One, never carry a gun. If it’s absolutely necessary to carry a gun, don’t, unless you’re licensed to carry a concealed weapon in the jurisdiction where you’re working. You are going to have a long class on how to become licensed almost anywhere, complete with the forms and fingerprinting necessary. Two, if you are carrying a gun, never withdraw the weapon from its holster. Three, if you ignore two, due to circumstances beyond your control, and withdraw the weapon from its holster, never point it at anyone. Four, if you should foolishly point it at someone, never touch the trigger. It is very good if eyewitnesses to a gun in your hand see your trigger finger laid along the barrel, instead of on the trigger. Five, if you should accidentally touch the trigger, never pull or squeeze it, unless during this whole process you have become absolutely convinced that the loss of your own life is imminent if you do not pull the trigger. Six—and this is the second most important rule, after number one—if you make the decision to pull the trigger, DO NOT MISS! We will be conducting classes in not missing every day of your visit with us.”