So my pleasure is Restaurants. And I find men of my age enjoy them as well. Yes, eating is strange. Yes, you’re essentially just sitting there in your bodysuit kissing the air over and over. And yes, if you want my feedback, develop that technology, improve it, offer better hardware. The best I’ve found so far is from GastroSense, a silicone mouth guard that lets you actually spoon real food into your mouth and chew, or sort of chew. I’ll cook myself something at home, then put on the bodysuit and mouth guard, and sit and eat. Oh, I don’t know, potatoes or noodles, I’ll chop up some papaya, just something soft to chew while I’m having seared duck with my date and talking like people once did. Honestly, I’ve been out with some guys just for dinner, nothing more. I’m talking three-hour dinners. It’s better than sex. Sweetheart, av-guys are a dime a dozen. I can get sex every night if I wanted until the bodysuit rubs me raw. But you find those rare men who actually want to sit with you and have a conversation, or simply hold your hand as you share something from your past—that’s worth every dollar I spend my retirement on.

BRANDON

Fuck yeah, I overlay faces. Plenty of guys do that. I’ll flick through them while we’re fucking. For real, bro [laughs]. I know, that’s super fucked up, right? Do you think that’s fucked up? It’s kinda fucked up, right? [laughs]. But, whatever, if it was that fucked up then why do you make it an option? Besides, girls don’t know. They’re probably doing the same thing. Serious, it’s like, sometimes you just been going at it for too long and you need a change-up to help you over the edge. Like, okay, I’m done with the brunette right now, maybe a blonde can help, or like an Asian, or some girl with extra-blue eyes. I’ve got like a dozen favorite faces in rotation, and I’ll just swipe through them to help me out. Is that fucked up? It’s kinda fucked up, right? [laughs].

SABLE

Just once. It was actually my ex-husband—who looked nothing like himself. My ex is a fifty-year-old pasty-white stock trader who’s about five-four; Alberto was thirty-eight, chiseled, and Italian. It wasn’t until we were having sex that I recognized him. It’s incredible how you can still know someone just from the way they hold you. So I asked: “Jonathan?” Until I asked aloud, I was worried he’d hacked my account. Do you even have a policy about that? You do? Oh, yeah, well, who reads any of that, right?