Last month, after I’d gone two weeks without sleep, I finally broke down and downloaded a white-noise app to run behind my thoughts. The 432 Hz vibration helps replenish DNA and allows you to work longer without sleep. It came with a free deep-meditation trial as well, which guided me through a series of breathing exercises and put me into a REM-like state. If I had spare funds, I would’ve kept it, but the free trial ran out and now all I have access to are short mindfulness clips. I play a two-minute sample called Deep Rest.

“Relax,” the voice within me says. “Let everything grow heavy, as if your body is sinking into a warm bath. Let your breath relax your toes.” Within my mind, the Icelandic Northern Lights glimmer with green dust and I hear the sound of a waterfall plummeting hundreds of feet to a pool below, the immersion so real I can almost taste the mist on my tongue. There’s the swirling darkness of sleep, the tug of the dreamworld on the horizon.

“Hey! Did you know girls like me are ready to play in your inner vision?” an eighteen-year-old cheerleader wearing a low-cut top asks me. She waves to me in my mind’s eye. “Come play with me! I’m ready!” I try to breathe into my toes, but she just leans forward, showing me her breasts, and blows a seductive kiss. The pop-up disappears, and I’m back to the last minute of the sample meditation. “Breathe into the soles of your feet—”

I shut down the guru, get out of bed, and slide open the double glass of my bedroom window. There’s the sound of cars on the freeway, the buzz of our security lights, and over the peaks of neighboring apartment buildings, the Towers humming amid the cornfields.