Shannon breathed a sigh of relief, but Lorraine interrupted her mid-smile.

‘Within three months Joey was dead. A week after his twelfth birthday. I won’t tell you how.’

Lorraine’s breathing pattern changed, as if fighting back tears.

‘He wrote… wrote two suicide notes. One to his family, telling them everything they had done wrong to him. The other was for me, of all people. My head teacher gave me the day off for his funeral, and that’s where Joey’s mother passed me the letter. It was still sealed, so she hadn’t peeked. Come to think about it, that was probably the only decent decision I remember her making. I read it at home… he didn’t even try to explain why. He only wrote two sentences. “I’m so sorry Mrs Shepherd. I just couldn’t do it”.’

A bunch of Shannon’s own memories resurfaced in her mind. Hearing Joey’s story whilst dealing with her own background was no easy task.

‘It taught me the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn,’ Lorraine continued. ‘You can move Heaven and Earth to help people, but some things are beyond your power. I couldn’t save Joey because I couldn’t change his decisions. The only way to help people is if they let you. And not everyone will.’

Lorraine let out a cough, and took a moment to steady her breathing. Shannon had no idea what to say, if anything at all, but it seemed like the hardest part of the story was over.

‘I couldn’t go back to the classroom after that,’ Lorraine continued. ‘Then I figured if I was in the lifesaving industry, I might as well go the whole hog and train as a nurse. A twelve-year-old’s death dragged me into a world where people died around me all the time, however hard I tried. The work was difficult, my husband and daughter had to suffer my moods when I came home at night, but I did a lot of good for a lot of people. So in my head, it was worth it.’

By the end of Lorraine’s monologue, most of Shannon’s words had vanished from her mind. Only one sentence remained, and she spoke it.

‘Why are you telling me this?’

‘Because God may have created a beautiful world, but we’ve made it bloody ugly. The way we treat each other, the things we do to ourselves, the way we neglect the sick and needy – human actions make everything ugly. So to be honest, I don’t have high standards for happiness anymore. I’m not here to make the world a beautiful place, Shannon. It’s already beautiful when we stop hurting ourselves and each other. I’m here to reduce this world’s ugliness, not increase its beauty.’

Shannon had no words in response. Lorraine picked up her mug and drank the rest of her tea all in one.