Narcissus half turned and buried his face in a fold of his tunic while huge sobs wracked his body. Some of the men were laughing openly now at the freedman’s histrionics.

Narcissus took a deep breath and swooped round to face his audience, tears streaming down his face. ‘COWARDS! Ungrateful cowards who dare call yourselves Romans! If you shall not follow the brave and honoured Plautius then lend your arms to a man who will! I shall invade Britain! Alone, if I must. So lend me your arms!’

The imperial secretary held out his hands imploring the audience to give him their weapons.

‘All right, you old bastard, have this!’ A legionary stood and tossed his sword at Narcissus, who ducked back in alarm. Then all at once others followed suit and swords and daggers rained down on to the arena, as Narcissus dived backwards for his own safety, accidentally stepping on the hem of his torn tunic and rolling over backwards. The legionaries roared with laughter.

Vespasian smiled and then forced himself not to laugh as the imperial secretary went down again. His face burning with embarrassment and anger, Narcissus jumped to his feet and snatched up one of the swords.

‘Laugh at me? You dare to laugh at me? I’m the one who’s prepared to fight. I’m not sitting on my fat arse doing nothing. I’m the only one here worthy to carry the sword and glorious eagles against the barbarian hordes!’

Some of the men were crying with laughter at the ludicrous spectacle, and Narcissus rushed to the front of the stage and swung his sword at them, totally misjudging the swing. He spun round and the sword dug into the sand at his feet. Panting, he struggled to regain his wind.

‘Weak, am I, from a lifetime serving Rome, and yet I would do what you are afraid to, and you call yourselves Romans! Why should I beg you to go back to your officers? Why should I even ask? No — I order you to end this mutiny. I command it!’

This was too much for the troops, who hooted with laughter and, from somewhere in the crowd, a voice called out, ‘Ho Saturnalia! Ho Saturnalia!’ The cry of the public holiday when social ranks were reversed was taken up by others, and spread quickly until all of them chorused, ‘Ho Saturnalia!’ and pelted the arena with whatever refuse was to hand. With a last shake of his fist and some inaudible cry of defiance, Narcissus turned and ran from the arena.

For some time the legionaries still shouted ‘Ho Saturnalia’ until it was clear that Narcissus had left the stage for good. Then slowly the men dispersed, trickling, then streaming, out of the amphitheatre and back towards the main camp.

‘Well, I hope it’s worked,’ said Plautius.

‘A fascinating team-building exercise,’ Vespasian reflected. ‘It’ll be interesting to see if Narcissus has managed to shame them back to their duties. Can you imagine how the rest of the army will react when word gets out that a freedman has spoken to them like that? Now, if you’ll excuse me, sir?’