Imogen picked up the hat and put it on. A touch of colour – her mother hated black. She picked up her phone, unsure whether to text Adrian; he had offered to come, but it just didn’t feel right. There was also the issue of Elias. Being with Elias reminded Imogen of her ex-boyfriend Dean, and she wasn’t over him yet. She had met Dean during a case, before she had even met her father. Her relationship with Dean was incompatible with her job; he didn’t quite operate on the right side of the law. Her father and Dean were more than friends, they were family. Her father operated several businesses and Dean was the person he sent round when all other forms of communication had broken down. Whenever she was with her dad she was aware that he was in contact with Dean and the idea of Adrian being there at the same time was a conflict Imogen wasn’t ready to deal with just yet. She would have to do today alone. It felt wrong to want support anyway; it was her mother’s funeral and Adrian barely knew her mother. She put her phone on silent and chucked it inside her bag.

The day seemed to move as though she were on fast forward, occasionally stopping to take it all in, but mental absence seemed preferable to being upset. She found herself standing by the grave, her father opposite her, tears in his eyes, genuine love and affection in his disposition. She could feel the emotions creep to the surface as she thought of her parents, apart for all those years, knowing the other would come if they would only ask. How did they wait so long? If they had really loved each other wouldn’t they have just been together? She couldn’t imagine being told you couldn’t be with someone else and actually listening. How could he stand to be apart from the woman he loved? How could he stand to be apart from her, his daughter? A part of her would always resent him for that.

She brushed her eye with the back of her hand, trying to make it look less like she was wiping away a tear. Why did she care if people saw her crying? Why wasn’t she allowed to cry?

They lowered the coffin into the ground and the people gathered around for a few seconds, registering the moment until it was over and then dispersing. Back to life.

Imogen suddenly felt overwhelmed. Was that it? Was her mother really gone? It just didn’t make sense. Irene Grey had been Imogen’s entire family for so long; she was the only thing Imogen could depend on being there no matter what, always where Imogen left her. It felt so wrong to leave her here.

‘Imogen,’ Elias said, snapping her out of her thoughts. ‘Come on. Let me buy you a drink.’

‘I don’t really feel like it right now, to be honest with you,’ she said. She had managed to avoid spending any meaningful time alone with Elias since she had found out who he was. Somehow, talking to him today felt like a betrayal. Her mother hadn’t wanted them to pursue a relationship, and Imogen had to wonder why.