“Who asked you to think? Don’t think. Listen. What, you believe it’s just your precious little life at stake here? You’re going to fail your math test? Screw up your stupid play? There could be another war. Dozens, hundreds, more than you’d believe could lose their lives. Trolls you might think are worth the dog crap on your shoe, but who just happen to be my friends. Humans, too, people you know—does that make it worse? We have a week, Jim. One week.”

The ground shook. The three of us turned to see that ARRRGH!!! had fallen to her knees. Jack took off across the lawn. I followed but tripped on my own feet. Tub was there, though, to catch me by the bloody shoulder. Groaning in disgust, he placed Cat #6 in my hand so he could wipe the troll goo onto his jeans. We quickly came upon Jack, standing alongside his bowed friend. He had, for some reason, drawn both swords.

ARRRGH!!!’s posture was wracked. Her mighty back hiccupped with pain and her neck was so weak that her great horns weighed down her head. I took a step closer, hoping to comfort.

Jack halted me with the tip of Doctor X.

“No closer.”

I’d made a few mistakes, but that hardly warranted an outright threat with a weapon. I was preparing to voice my grudge when I noticed a cardboard box discarded in the mown grass. Instantly I understood and my aching shoulders slumped farther. I began circling at a safe distance, Tub fighting me for every step.

The Eye of Malevolence was fastened to ARRRGH!!!’s face. The writhing stems had twined their way into the troll’s orifices, streaming down her throat in red plaits, corkscrewing up both nostrils, and sliding beneath each eyelid. Pulling ever tighter at ARRRGH!!!’s brain, the Eye had flattened into a gelatinous oval that bubbled like pancake batter. ARRRGH!!!’s spine curled with agony beneath her lathered pelt.

“Get it off,” I told Jack. “It’s killing her.”

Jack’s muscles tensed, but he made no such move.

I clashed Cat #6 against Claireblade. Jack flinched, just a little.

“I’ll do it!” I shouted. “Move!”

The tree-trunk legs pistoned and ARRRGH!!! sprung to her feet, paws curled upward as if holding two planets, head thrown back. Where I expected a howl came instead multi-octave laughter, cacophonous as a herd of trumpeting elephants. The curled horns struck a tree branch and it exploded into a hail of wood chips. Jack kept his swords ready as the spray dinged off his metal armor.

ARRRGH!!! swooped her head toward Tub and me. The Eye of Malevolence convulsed in delight, and the green-orange iris opened in a toothed yawn.

“SSS­SSS­SSS­STURGES­SSS­SSS­SSS.”