“Unacceptable, Jim. It’s four. In the morning.”

“Back door,” I whispered. “Now.”

He was even unhappier to find me in his backyard alongside two trolls throwing anxious glances at the sky while Jack struck a menacing pose next to the decrepit swing set. Tub leaned against the doorframe and exhaled morning breath, scratching at his bed-head bouffant.

“You kids have fun tonight?”

“It’s going to be light soon,” I said. “They’ll turn to stone.”

“See, that sounds like something worth seeing.”

Jack shifted just enough so that his scabbards clattered intimidatingly.

“No jokes,” I said. “There’s no time. I need you to…” There was no other way except to just say it. “I need you to take ARRRGH!!!.”

Tub laughed once.

“The gigantic ape-monster? In Grandma’s house? You need to have your head X-rayed, kid.”

“You can hide her from Grandma way easier than I can from Dad. Just help me out here. I’m taking the others. I’m doing my part.”

“It’s all your part, Jim. You’re the big-deal trollhunter, remember? I’m just some kid who, I don’t know, is pretty good at video games, I guess? Why would a big, famous hunter like you want the help of an amateur like me? Thanks, anyway, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Then don’t do it for me! Do it for her. It’s not her fault she’s stuck out here. But if we don’t get her inside in two or three stones—a half-hour, I mean—she’s going to die. You want to live with that? You want to come out here in the morning and see the pile of rocks?”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Call me whatever you want. Just take her in.”

ARRRGH!!! tilted her head.

“Boy human. Have peanut butter. For eating?”

Tub’s lips closed around his thick braces as he deliberated.

“I’m going to go ahead and assume she said something about my great prowess as a warrior. In that case, fine. For her, I’ll do it. Just get her inside before the neighbors wake up.”