‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because he knew what he was doing. He knew it mattered to me more than anything. It’s not just the promises we made in a church in front of our friends and family, it’s something we discussed often when we were younger, heart to heart, lover to lover, friend to friend. It was incredibly important to me, especially given what had happened to my family – but maybe to my character anyway. If you can’t be loyal to someone you love and care about, if life is just a series of animal transactions, then it’s meaningless, pointless, hopeless …’

‘That’s a lot of pressure to be placing on one human being.’

‘Was I wrong to do so?’

‘Not necessarily. I would say to err is human, but at the same time it isn’t wrong to exchange a promise with a lover and expect him to keep his side of the bargain. That’s in the nature of human affection. My question is not could one – theoretically – forgive someone, or should one do so, but merely can you?’

‘I don’t know the answer to that question.’

‘Then you should not be considering reconciliation.’

‘It’s not as simple as that.’

‘In this case, it is. I would suggest it isn’t fair to either of your children – or even to Stuart – to pursue a reconciliation you know in your heart of hearts is impossible. It will open the door to the prospect of further heartbreak for all of you.’

Kate stared at the floor. Was that what she’d wanted to hear? ‘But I made a promise to them.’

Dr Wiseman leant forward. He was smiling at her kindly now. ‘You should give yourself time, Kate. There is no rush. If you can find it within yourself to forgive Stuart for his errors, then you can perhaps move on to assessing whether reconciliation is truly what you want. But if you cannot do the former, you cannot reasonably entertain the prospect of the latter.’

Kate glanced at the clock. Her forty-five minutes was up too soon, as always – and she’d yet to admit she’d returned to the same kind of work. She mumbled a thank-you and stumbled out into a deserted street.

She shuffled along a few paces and sat on a garden wall. She closed her eyes and let the sun warm her face. Did she forgive Stuart? Could she? Was reconciliation with him really what she wanted? She just couldn’t understand why she didn’t know. She’d grown so used to relying on strong instincts in life and here she was without any on the most important question before her.

She missed him, yes. But in the way we all mourn a relationship that has run its course, or in the kind of visceral sense that might force her to forgive and forget?

Her phone buzzed with a WhatsApp message from Julie. Get in here fast. The shit just monumentally hit the fan.

16

IT DIDN’T TAKE Julie long to fill Kate in – and by the time she had finished, the story was breaking on the TV screen in the corner of their makeshift office in Pimlico.