She stared, shocked, until her temper exploded. She struck his cheek hard enough that the sound of it filled the room. And then she was striding across the room, pulling on her shift, her chemise, the sheath with the dagger, and then her blouse. Finally, her skirt and her coat. It wasn’t quite proper, but it would do, and she had to get away from there. Get away from him.

Her shoes. Where were her shoes?

“Celeste.”

He was beside her, still naked, still beautiful, and she hated him for it. She raised her hand to strike him again, but he caught her wrist, and then her dagger was in her free hand and at his neck.

“You are a demon,” she hissed. “You do not get to judge me, you goddamned monster!”

His lip curled, part laugh and part sneer. “Damned? Yes, I do not deny it. But to say I am a monster when you stand before me asking me for what you are asking me? I am not the monster, Celeste.”

She screamed in frustration and threw the dagger across the room. If he would not let her go, then she needed him to leave.

“Get out!” she shouted, shame and desperation making her irrational. “If I mean that little to you, get out!”

He flinched. “I did not say—”

“You speak of eternal love, of being my family, but when I need you most, you balk.”

Abraxas drew himself up, wrapping himself in his pride. “I would have done anything for you. Do you not know that? And this is the thing you ask.”

Celeste knew in that moment that Abraxas was right about one thing. She was the monster. Not because she was half-Fallen but because she was selfish and craven. He had accused her of using Mariel as a shield, as an excuse not to pursue the life she deserved, as a reason not to be with him. And he was right about all of it.

But what did being right matter when she could not change who she was? That was what she had told him when defending Mariel’s innocence in killing the bird. Now she said the same to explain her own guilt.

“People don’t change,” she said thickly. “Not the fundamental part of them. This is who I am, Abraxas. Fallen and Elect all at once. Blessed and damned. I may love you, but I love Mariel more, and if you make me choose, I will pick her every time. Now, if you will not help, then let me go!”

She turned her back to him.

He was silent so long she thought he had left in some demonic way, but finally, she heard him moving around, gathering his clothes. His footsteps crossed the wooden floor, and he paused, the door open.

“I could never let you go, Celeste.”