Curious, Elayne reached for the paper. Outlandish claims? She didn’t know any mercenary captains. The scrawl on the page was uneven, there were numerous crossed out words, and some of the spelling was…creative. Whoever this man was, she—

She blinked in surprise as she reached the bottom of the letter. Then she read it again.

Your Royal Bloody Pain in My Back,

We’re bloody waiting here to talk to you, and we’re getting angry perturbed. (That means angry.) Thom says that you’re a queen now, but I figure that changes nothing, sense you acted like a queen all the time anyway. Don’t forget that I carried halled your pretty little backside out of a hole in Tear, but you acted like a queen then, so I guess I don’t know why I’m suprised now that you act like one when you really are a queen.

So I’m thinking I should treat you like a bloody Queen and send you a bloody letter and all, speaking with high talk and getting your attention. I even used my ring as a signet, like it was paper proper. So here is my formal salutation. So BLOODY STOP TURNING ME AWAY so we can talk. I need your bellfounders. It’s bloody important.

—Mat

p.s. Salutation means greeting.

p.p.s. Don’t mind the scratched out words and bad spellings. I was going to rewrite this letter, but Thom is laffing so hard at me that I want to be done.

p.p.s. Don’t mind me calling your backside pretty. I hardly ever spent any time looking at it, as I’ve an awareness that you’d pull my eyes out if you saw me. Besides, I’m married now, so that all doesn’t matter.

Elayne couldn’t decide whether to be outraged or exuberant. Mat was in Andor, and Thom was alive! They’d escaped Ebou Dar. Had they found Olver? How had they gotten away from the Seanchan?

So many emotions and questions welled up in her. Birgitte stood upright, frowning, feeling the emotions. “Elayne? What is it? Did the man insult you?”

Elayne found herself nodding, tears forming in her eyes.

Birgitte cursed, striding over. Master Norry looked taken aback, as if regretting that he’d brought the letter.

Elayne burst into laughter.

Birgitte froze. “Elayne?”

“I’m all right,” Elayne said, wiping the tears from her eyes and forcing herself to take a deep breath. “Oh, Light. I needed that. Here, read it.”

Birgitte snatched the letter, and as she read, her face lightened. She chuckled. “You have a nice backside? He should be talking. Mat’s got as fine a rump as comes on a man.”

“Birgitte!” Elayne said.

“Well it’s true,” the Warder said, handing back the letter. “I find his face far too pretty, but that doesn’t mean I can’t judge a good backside when I see one. Light, it will be good to have him back! Finally, someone I can go drinking with who doesn’t look at me as their bloody military superior.”

“Contain yourself, Birgitte,” Elayne said, folding the letter up. Norry looked scandalized by the exchange. Dyelin said nothing. It took a lot to faze that woman, and she’d heard worse from Birgitte.