And Grim. Grim who had stood by me when I was at my worst. Who, in those foul days and nights, had always called me Lady, as if I were above it all. Grim who had saved me from myself, over and over. Who had his own terrors, which meant he could not sleep on his own. If I said yes to Flannan, I would have to leave Grim behind. There was no way I was going to risk leading him back into that hellhole.

I ordered myself to go to sleep. I shut my eyes tight, rolled the blanket around me and buried my head in the soft goose-feather pillow. But my thoughts still roiled and swarmed like angry bees, setting my whole body on edge.

Once, during the night, I heard Grim muttering to himself from the darkness of his own bed. The words were unclear. Maybe nonsense, maybe not. It made me sad. It took so little to send him—or me—right back to that place, with the stink and the crying and the last spark of hope all but crushed. In the dark. Among the others, but alone. Almost alone.

“Grim.”

A movement across the darkened chamber as he sat up abruptly. “What?”

“You all right? Just, you were talking to yourself.”

“Sorry. Keeping you awake. Need your sleep.”

“Not as if I’m not used to it,” I said. “And I was awake already.” And would not be sleeping; that had become quite obvious. I got out of bed, wrapped my shawl around me and went over to the hearth. It didn’t take much to coax the ash-covered coals back into flickering flame, thanks to the handy supply of wood. I settled on the bench close by, letting the warmth soothe me. After a bit, Grim got up too and came to sit opposite me, his blanket around his shoulders. The light flickered over his plain, strong features, showing me the small, sad eyes, the heavy jaw, the nose that looked as if it might have been broken more than once. What would happen to him if I did go? Back at Winterfalls there was work for him, a home, friends who knew he was a good man. Maybe he’d be better off without me.

“Why did you change your mind?”

The question came out of the blue, startling me. “What do you mean?”

“About coming here. Leaving court, leaving Lady Flidais. Taking the risk. What changed your mind?”

He hadn’t asked me before. I’d thought he wouldn’t. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just decided it was something I should do, that was all.”

“Mm-hm.” A weighty silence. Grim was hunched over, looking down at his linked hands. “It was him, wasn’t it? Flannan. He changed your mind for you.”

Too close to the truth. “Not exactly. But it did make a difference that he wanted to visit St. Olcan’s, yes.”

The silence filled with unspoken questions. Grim and I didn’t talk about our past. We didn’t ask each other about our lives before the time when we met as fellow prisoners. Only, if one of us wanted to talk about that time, the other one listened. I didn’t want to now, but it felt necessary. I couldn’t have him putting the pieces together and guessing the truth.