“Don’t worry,” I whispered, “you’re fine.” She looked up at me then, and her recognition came like a shock. And not just recognition. Trust. Then she shut her eyes and seemed to sleep.

I asked Harvest if he would stay for a while to be sure E was okay. He sat in the chair by the window, his form etched by the light from the pool and maybe the stars. The rectangle of the pool pushed itself into space within the window frame behind him. We talked for hours. Harvest told me how he and Joy had started the band when they were still in high school, how they had been a couple then, how she was the first girl he’d ever slept with. He described how brave Joy was, how talented, and how much she had changed in the past couple of years, since the band had started getting successful. He talked about the town they grew up in, Nebraska City, Nebraska. Joy had moved there when she was seven. She was the only Asian kid in the school. Nebraska City was on the Missouri River. In winter they sometimes skated on the river, holding hands. Harvest talked about his parents, who were both anesthesiologists. He had a sister named Pam. Harvest looked over at me occasionally as he talked, and I wondered what he saw. I had a view of myself in the mirror opposite the bed. My auburn hair was down to my waist. I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. I thought my face looked pretty. I wished I was closer to Harvest, but I couldn’t figure out how to get over to his chair. Finally the dawn came. I walked over to the window and looked out at the sunrise, lifting my heavy hair off my neck and arching my back in what I hoped was an alluring pose. Harvest was looking at E.

“Why did you take her out of that place?” he asked.

“I want her to have a real life before she dies,” I said. “And they say Totals live longer when they’re loved.”

“But how do you know what she wants?” Harvest asked me, looking up at me with an unpleasant, accusatory expression.

“She’s my sister and I’ve learned how to take care of her,” I said, and as I said it, I immediately realized that he was right, that I had no idea what she wanted.

“Seems like this trip is more about you than about her,” he said, and got up. “I’ll see you,” he said, and clicked the door shut behind him.

I walked over to E. She was flat on her back, eyes shut tight. I took off my pants and got into bed beside her, cuddled into her. I could feel warm tears of shame flowing along the bridge of my nose until I fell asleep.