I’m watching the monitor, carefully tracking every contraction.

“This one is almost done. Hang on a little bit longer and it will be over.”

She nods and braces against the last wave of pain.

When the contraction is over, I wipe her forehead with a cool cloth. Watching her suffer is absolutely killing me. I would have never gotten her pregnant if I had realized how much pain labor caused. Why doesn’t she hit me or curse at me or something?

“The childbirth classes we went to are all bullshit,” she says weakly. “You can’t breathe through these damn contractions. Trying to breathe is stupid. I could kill that instructor right about now.”

“I know. I’ll stop telling you to breathe.”

“Thank you,” she says, laying her head against my shoulder. “I’m too exhausted to breathe anyway.”

I rub Lila’s cheek with my thumb. Her face is unnaturally pale and I’m worried sick. No way am I letting her see it though. I have to stay upbeat and positive to keep her focused. The labor has been going on for hours, and the doctor keeps saying she isn’t dilated enough for an epidural.

Whatever the fuck that means.

I don’t understand why they can’t give her something now to help her with the pain. Lila is such a tough cookie she would probably refuse it anyway. She hasn’t taken any medications at all through the entire pregnancy.

“What can I do to make you feel better?” I ask.

“Stay with me. And don’t get me pregnant again anytime soon.”

“Believe me, I won’t. I can’t stand seeing you in pain. This is all my fault.”

She tries to laugh. “Your fault? Like I wasn’t right there with you? Oh shit! Here comes another one.”

I almost remind her to breathe and stop. “You’re going to be an amazing mom,” I say instead. “Keep thinking about that. You can do this. It will all be over soon.”

“Please keep reminding me because this seriously hurts.”

“If I could take your pain away and give it to me, I would in a heartbeat.”

She cries out again with the next contraction.

Fuck! This is awful.

Why did I ever think tricking her into getting pregnant was a good idea?

***

Three hours later, the doctor examines Lila and says that she can finally have an epidural. I’ve never been so relieved in my life. For her to finally get some pain relief is the best news I’ve ever heard. Her blood pressure keeps dropping and they’ve placed an oxygen mask over her face. I don’t know how much longer she can hang on.

I knew labor was bad.

I had no clue it would be like this.