“Well then, I hope you have your exit strategy already planned. How do you see this playing out?”

“The best case scenario would be if the ATF closed the investigation and the Steel Infidels never knew about any of it. I don’t want Sam to ever find out about me. It would be better for him if he thought I just left town and that was it. You know, like a summer fling that ends when it’s time for everyone to go back home. Finding out about me would crush him. It’s not worth it. I can’t do that to him.”

“Are you sure about that?” Erik asks. “What if there is a chance he’ll forgive you? It’s not like you to give up so easily. The only way you’ll ever know is for him to learn the truth and then you try to work through it.”

I shake my head in regret.

“Not going to happen in this lifetime.”

“Then there will always be a place for you with us,” he says. “Come back to the group. This life you’ve got going on with the ATF isn’t for you.” He waves his hand around the room. “Look at what you’re forced to do to be yourself. You’re renting two places so that you can lead a secret life and hack in a dark room alone. You deserve to be with people who appreciate you. People that can make you feel alive again. Think about it. We could hop on a plane in a few days and meet up with Victor in Amsterdam. It will be just like old times. Don’t tell me the idea doesn’t appeal to you.”

“I’m not going to lie,” I say. “It’s very appealing, but I have to play this out to the end. I can’t think about leaving town until I know Operation Thunderclap is shut down. I owe Sam that much.”

“Always putting everyone else first,” he says. “You’re the most loyal person I know. Tell me this. Does he make you laugh, Delilah?”

I smile at the thought of Sam and his ridiculous banter that never stops.

“All the time,” I answer. “I laugh constantly when we’re together.”

Erik reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.

“Then for your sake, I hope it works out. Above everything else, I want you to be happy again. But no matter what happens with Sam, you still need to leave the ATF. Promise me you’ll do that. Your soul is slowly dying there. One day you’re going to wake up and realize the girl you once were doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t want to see her evaporate.”