“I know.” I shriek. I rip open the drawer, pull out the letters and tear them into tiny shreds until they match my tattered heart. I toss the pieces in the air and they rain down on us like confetti. I peer at Becs through the paper storm. “I love him, Rebecca Bennett.”

Becs takes in the mess surrounding us with a satisfied smirk. “Okay then.”

“Go get him,” Michelle adds, beaming like she’s watching some Hallmark movie.

I stare at the ground. “No.”

“Why not?” Michelle and Becs ask in unison.

“Because I’m willing to give up everything.” I gesture to the shreds of my future littering the floor then to the door. “And he walked out on me like it was nothing. Like what we have doesn’t matter.”

“He’s just hurt.” Michelle squeezes my arm.

“You know how he loves surprises,” Becs deadpans.

“I’m sure he’ll calm down,” Michelle adds.

“I don’t care if he wants me again when he calms down. The point is he walked away. He can walk away.” I flop down on my bed. “I’ve been chasing him since day one. Pushing. Prodding. Blackmailing. I made this happen. He’s just been along for the ride.” I pull my shoulders back and stare straight ahead. “Well, the ride’s over. I’m done chasing after Devin Bennett.”

* * * *

I throw myself into every activity I can find. There’s not a spare second in my day to think about Devin. Except I still do. All day. Every day. In class. At volleyball. During study group. While I’m writing my grant proposal for Professor P. Sitting at the table during dinner with my family. I obsess over every touch, every kiss, every word. I miss him. I miss his smell and his scowl. I miss his smile and his groan. I miss the mix of tender harshness.

I kept the promise I made to myself the day he stormed out. I haven’t called him. I haven’t gone by the shop. I haven’t asked Becs about him. I’m giving him the distance he’s always wanted and it’s killing me. I feel like a Jenga tower with half the pieces missing, shaky and incomplete. A strong breeze and I’ll topple to the ground.

Despite the few nights I convinced myself I saw his car driving by my house, I haven’t heard from Devin in two weeks. Becs texts me every day. Nothing that matters, just small stupid jokes and memes, like she’s scared I’ll fade away if she doesn’t keep reaching out. I might. I love Becs. I love Rob and Mandy. I love that stupid repair shop and all the crazy people in it. But for now, at least, they’re too painful to be around. My phone buzzes in my pocket with a text from Becs.