“Come on!” Rhys shouts. “COME ON!”

We finally reach the athletic field. It’s wide open but there are no other infected, none that I can see. I can hear the girl behind me, though, and she’s close, she’s fast, faster.

She dives for me and we both crash to the ground. The side of my forehead connects with the pavement. I swear I hear it crack and then I’m underwater and everything is strange and removed and I’m strange and removed from it. I turn myself over, slowly, painfully, and stare into milky white irises, all the capillaries around them busted and red. I lose focus. I see one of her, two of her, three of her. Calm settles over me. She licks her lips. I close my eyes.

This is it. Finally.

A splintering sound reaches my ears and then again, again and again. Something splitting open. At first I think it’s me, that when you die, you splinter into a million pieces, but then I feel wet—wet against me, but slick and wrong. And then a dead wet weight on top of me.

Rhys hooks his arms under my arms and pulls me out from under the girl and I blink and she comes into focus; her head is completely decimated, bits of blood and brain all over me, and then I’m on my feet but I don’t feel like I’m on my feet. Rhys drags me by the hand and I trip after him. Everything is turning gray. He urges me on.

“Come on, you can do this—”

It’s quiet around us now but he moves like we’re still being chased. My legs are rubber and I fall. I can’t breathe. He pulls me up again, wraps his arm around my waist and we both stagger to the library door. He pounds his fists against it and I slump to my knees.

“Open the door—open the fucking door!”

PART TWO

Sometimes I’m brave. Like the sleepover at Grace’s. I wasn’t supposed to be there. I went without permission but I was willing to face my father’s wrath after just so I could have something nice, a memory that belonged only to me. And it was nice. I told Grace I liked her family and she said she noticed me watching her parents a lot and I said I wasn’t used to seeing parents together, up close. I guess I could if I watched more TV but that wouldn’t be real and when it’s real and it’s in front of you, two happy people who love each other, a family—that’s better than TV. I got to be part of that for a day. Lily was so mad about having to pick up the pieces afterward, but I still did it. I was brave. I tried leaving. Weeks before everything ended, I was one half of Lily’s old plan and my bags were next to my door and I don’t know how my father found out but he did and he was so angry I had to stay home from school until it didn’t show on me anymore. It was the first time he lost control enough to hit me in the face. I tried leaving again, but Lily took the pills with her. Tried again …