A sound like a laugh escaped him, but it was mean. “So, I took her.” Nausea flooded him at the memory. Sara had hopped out of the car and grabbed his hand. Her tiny five-year-old-little-girl voice clear as if she were standing in front of him.

Thanks to the bourbon.

“Thank you, Daddy. Ms. Groller is going to love this card. She’s the best teacher I ever had. I love her almost as much as I love you and Mommy.”

The air had been warm that day. It was close to the end of the school year, so Sara had on her favorite blue dress with small white dots and flowers. Daniel had left the house in his blue scrubs. There must have been lavender growing nearby, because Sara had commented on the pretty smell, but Daniel had found it cloying.

She had taken his hand in hers and smiled up at him as they walked up to the doors to be buzzed in. He remembered thinking that her hands were sticky again, and that no matter how many times a day he washed her hands, they always seemed to be sticky.

The school wouldn’t be open to students for another thirty minutes. They waited outside, the sun growing warmer as they stood, the thick lavender scent turning Daniel’s stomach. Daniel was ready to take Sara and wait in the car until the building opened, when Ms. Groller herself opened the door.

Sara’s eyes lit up upon seeing her teacher, her smile wide, those all too familiar dimples melting his heart.

“I took her hand—you know she could only hold three of my fingers in her whole hand.” He held up his hand and gazed at it as if Sara’s tiny hand might miraculously show up. “We followed her teacher to her classroom.”

The thick scent of lavender filled his nostrils, making him almost gag. He closed his eyes to shake it. It wasn’t real. There was no lavender in this room. He opened his eyes, his gaze resting on those beautiful brown eyes. Annika watched him, no sign of the discomfort most people wore when he inadvertently mentioned Sara. Their faces closed, as if, by being too close to him, they might inadvertently lose their own child and become a member of that club no one wanted to belong to.

Annika rested her hand on his, squeezing tight. He allowed it.

His heart began to pound as if it were all happening again. He couldn’t ignore it.

It had been cooler in the building, and the hairs on his arms had stood on end. Sara had chattered away with her teacher as Daniel followed behind them.

He shivered from the memory of the chill.

“Come on, Daddy!”

His sneakers made soft squishing noises on the tile floor as he followed behind his daughter, allowing her to lead the way. “I’m right behind you, babe.”