He turned his full attention to her, aware that he might have a crazed look in his eye. “This.” He motioned between the two of them. “I haven’t been honest with you.” He paused and then blurted everything out. “After Sara, I had decided that I would never be a father again. I even tried to get a vasectomy, but I was so young that the surgeon advised against it. But I knew I could never be a father again. Ever. I can’t even be godfather to Sheila’s baby, for God’s sake.”

Annika opened her mouth to say something, but he took her face in his hand and rested a thumb on her lips. One last time. “When I met you—when I fell in love with you, I thought I could. I wanted to be able to. It was the first time I wanted my own family again—because I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

Still can’t.

“I told myself that I was different now, time had passed, surely I was stronger...and that I could be a father if I had you by my side. But I don’t have it in me.” He glanced at her parents. “Look at them. It’s agony.”

He felt her swallow hard; her nostrils flared. She gasped as if she’d been punched in the gut. “You’re breaking up with me.”

“I love you. You make my heart race, you make me laugh, you have given me a taste of happiness, which is something I never thought I would know again. I’ve never loved anyone like this. And I am certain I never will again.”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a broken hospital band and held it out to him. He took it. “That’s my band, from the night I lost my baby. From the night Steven left me.” She lifted her chin and captured him in her gaze.

Daniel looked at the band; the lettering was faded, but it was definitely an ER band from his ER. He remembered seeing the tiny one on Sara’s wrist. Where was it? Had they saved it? Did people do that? Should he have saved it?

“But it’s a reminder of the worst time in your life.”

She nodded. “It’s also a reminder of what I survived.”

The lettering blurred before his eyes. “You’ll make a fabulous mother one day. But I...won’t survive another... I’ve barely survived losing... I can’t be anyone’s father ever again, because I can’t do this—” he looked at her parents “—ever again.” His eyes were wet, and it was difficult getting air into his lungs, but this was the right thing. It had to be.

Annika’s skin had gone ashen and tears filled her eyes. Tears that he put there. Better a few tears now than an ocean later.