She opened her eyes and looked at me. “Oh, that…No, I would like to see my daughter again or just to know how she is, what she’s doing with her life.” She saw the question in my eyes. “I got married in East Germany and – it was a surprise, I was already too old – I had a daughter. I didn’t want to take her away from my husband. It must have been hard enough for him that I vanished without a trace, but to take Julia as well…in his pedantic way, he really loved us both.”

What made you choose someone like that? I wanted to ask. I’d also have liked to know why she left her husband and daughter, and never got back in touch with them, and what she had to fear, after the time of dyed hair and sunglasses. Had she actually killed someone? What had she said to Gundlach? That she had been involved. That could mean anything. “I can take the boat to Rock Harbour and call my firm and have them find out about Julia.”

“Can you do it after I’m gone? And see if she needs anything? And make sure she gets what’s left of my mother’s estate?” She took my hand.

I didn’t feel good. What if Julia really needed something? An education? Medical treatment that her insurance wouldn’t pay for? Psychotherapy? Rehab? What if she wasn’t just a drug addict, but dealt drugs as well or walked the streets to pay for the drugs, or committed petty crimes – or even serious ones? Money for a defence lawyer or treatments or a course of study was one thing. But what if I had to go look for her in the red-light district in Berlin, night after night, and finally discovered a stupid, common person, would it be my job to help her get her act together? I had refused, even with good friends, to be a godfather to children, because the responsibility was too much for me. But I nodded.

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“She was a sweet girl. I left when she was coming into the terrible twos, but she didn’t really throw tantrums, she would sulk and pout with tears in her eyes, and when I explained to her why she couldn’t have what she wanted, she stopped straight away.”

Irene cried. At first I heard quiet whimpering, then loud howling, and then I could scarcely recognize her face, the crumpled forehead, the mouth torn open; she threw her head from side to side, then buried her face in the pillow.