But that was when he was one of the biggest celebs in the UK, the star of TV reality show Laid In Essex! and voted ‘Britain’s Sexiest Guy’ three years on the trot by readers of the Daily Star. It felt like a long time ago now. The crowds had disappeared, along with the TV panel shows, sponsorship deals and party invites.

But, hell, Abs was a professional and he was going to make the best of it, because anyone’s fortune could change in an instant. All it took was a lucky break, and if Abs was anything in life, he was a lucky guy.

Yeah, he was just opening a discount store, but those people outside – the teenagers on their phones, that single mum with the double buggy, and those pensioners eating rolls – they had come here to see him, or at least most of them had, and it was his duty to bring a little bit of sunshine into their drab lives. His only talent in life was to make other people happy, to make them smile and giggle, and that’s what he was going to do.

‘Don’t worry about it, it’s a bit overcast today,’ said Abs, who had always been a people pleaser. ‘And there’s still time for people to arrive. When do we cut the ribbon?’

The assistant manager looked at his watch. ‘We’re still waiting for the photographer.’

Paparazzi! Abs liked the sound of that. ‘At least the press are coming.’

‘He’s from our in-house magazine. Shall we go outside?’

Abs didn’t need asking twice, and he strode out of the shop. He was wearing his usual hoodie and distressed jeans and white trainers – he was famous for his pristine footwear – and his thick, dark hair was pulled up in a small topknot. His dazzling smile was his trademark, his brand.

‘Don’t shoot,’ he told the crowd. ‘I’m coming out.’

‘Here’s a guy who needs no introduction,’ said the assistant manager, holding a wireless microphone so close to his mouth that his voice contorted with flatulent static. ‘It’s Abs.’

Grabbing the mic, Abs was relieved to see more people were coming to watch.

‘Have they found the right man to open their new shop? Abs, mate!’ Everyone laughed at his catchphrase. On the show, he was always saying Abs, mate! as in absolutely, and it was how he got his famous nickname.

‘Not a lot of people know that I once worked in a shop, and was—’ He glanced over the heads of the crowd and saw a guy on the other side of the pedestrian walkway. Standing perfectly still, hands in his pockets, the man was watching him from behind dark glasses, and it made Abs momentarily lose the thread of what he was saying. ‘What was I… oh yeah, I worked in a shop, like I say, and was sacked after five minutes.’ There were a few giggles from the crowd because everyone knew Abs wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box, which was why everyone liked him so much. ‘A guy came in and told me he wanted to buy a spider, so I told him to pick one up on the web.’