“I don’t understand. Why do you have to do this? Why can’t you just come home?” Tears flowed down her face. “Your reputation is ruined. Go home to your family. Maybe everyone will forget.”

I let go of her hands, suddenly feeling very cold and distant. “Manuela, I am home.”

“You can stay with Hector and me,” she said, wiping the moisture from her cheeks.

“Manuela, you don’t understand. José is my family now. I don’t care what the village says or does. My life is with him.”

“Are you sure? Anna, how can you be happy?”

“Anita. My name is Anita now.”

“Anita.” She sighed. “I don’t know you anymore.”

“Manuela, I don’t think you ever did.”

Manuela looked down at her feet. “Hector says that I am not allowed to talk to you anymore. That your actions will poison the reputation of anyone associated with you.” She let out a small hiccup as she tried to control herself.

“To be honest, I am not surprised. Hector is a magistrate; you both have an image to uphold, and I am a tainted woman.”

“But you aren’t, Anita, don’t you see? It’s not too late, it can’t be.”

I took her head in my hands. “It is too late. There is no going back for me.”

“You are taking a path that I can’t follow.”

“I know, but please, do not mourn me,” I pleaded. “I swear to you I am happy.”

Manuela slowly walked away, her shoulders hunched, her head hanging low. I sucked in a quick breath. It felt like the door was finally closed on my past; there was no going back to my old life. I should have been feeling elated. Finally I was free, but a strange feeling of remorse filled me.

The sea breeze blew through the palm trees that lined the coast. It sounded like hundreds of papers rustling. At the base of the trees men steadily worked repairing the ships. As the sun broke through the clouds, the remorse still clung to me as I set out along the harbor to clear my head.

I couldn’t understand it. I hated living here. Everything about this place felt like a cage. Why was it that I felt this sadness?

When I was a child, my father and I discovered a tamandua near our house. The tamandua looked like a little bear but with a long nose and tail. It was only after a few moments of watching it scavenge for termites that we saw the bloodied, mangled paw. Immediately feeling pity, I implored my father to catch the animal so that we could nurse it back to health. He obliged, throwing a blanket over it and bringing it back to the toolshed, where we placed it in a pen typically reserved for small calves. For weeks my father and I nursed the tamandua back to health, feeding it mounds of dirt filled with termites. I delighted in seeing its long, skinny tongue jut out and lap up all the insects.