José opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. “Tell me, what happens to me if you die?”

“I won’t die,” he said.

“You said it yourself: The ship is dangerous. I have worked in the hospital long enough to know that even the most skilled soldier can become one of my patients. Now answer my question. What happens to me if you die?”

His shoulders sagged. “You go on living, I guess.” His voice came out meek and small.

“Oh, I go on living all right, but what kind of life will that be? My family has disowned me. I am a disgraced woman, José.” He looked away from me. “Look at me. This is what I am to these people. I am not ashamed. I have made my choices, but if I stay here and you die, I have no way to take care of myself.”

“Anita, you are exaggerating—”

“Am I? I have no family, no one to take me in. What shall I do for work, since no one wants to be around me? Do you think my husband will take me back, if he ever returns?” José turned his head from me, his face suddenly pale. I reached out to him. “I would rather die a thousand deaths than live one life without you.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me. “You mean everything to me. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“If you don’t let me go with you on your ship, I’ll sneak onto Griggs’s.”

“Anita, you will do no such thing. John Griggs is an officer in my navy. You can’t go running to him every time you don’t like something.” He fumed.

“I will find a way. I’ve heard of women who dress like men in order to fight. I can do that, you’ll never know I was there.” I poked his chest. Immediately he grabbed my hand and held it away.

“This isn’t a game, Anita.” Blotches of red appeared on his face. “You won’t be chasing cows in the middle of a field.”

I pulled my hand away. “Don’t insult me. Mark my words, José Garibaldi, I will be on one of those ships, and your only choice is whether it’s your ship or someone else’s.” I crossed my arms in defiance. “If you really wanted to keep me safe, you would have me on your ship with you.”

José wiped a tired hand over his face. “Very well…you can come. But I need you to promise that every order I give you, you will obey. No questions asked.”

I jumped with glee, wrapping my arms around his neck. I went to kiss him, but he stopped me, awaiting a response. “I promise.” I smiled.

The next afternoon, we went out to the docks together to prepare for the expedition. As the only woman there, I received curious looks from the men as they rushed past us in the hot afternoon sun, loading crates onto the ships. Rossetti shoved the cargo list he was checking into the chest of a sailor next to him when he saw us approach. He rushed up to José with his fists clenched. “Please tell me that what they are saying isn’t true.”