“I should be the one preparing our tea.”

José shrugged. “It makes no difference to me. Plus, I am old and set in my ways, and I like my mate prepared a certain way.” He winked as he handed me the gourd. “Now if you will excuse me, I have some work to attend to.” José sat down at his desk, reading letters and signing documents. Sitting on what was now our bed, I sipped the tea as I played with a thread that stuck out from the blanket and I contemplated my new future.

To be tied to a soldier meant that I would have a life of perpetually waiting for death. José’s mortality was as tangible as the gourd I held in my hand. I thought back to the day Manoel left. The prospect of following him around Brazil had sickened me. I would have been trading my small cage in Laguna for a smaller cage, but with wheels.

But I was willing to tie myself to this man. I’d follow him to places that I couldn’t even imagine. Why did this feel like freedom? Or was it just that I couldn’t see the bars?

José looked up at me, flashing a soft smile before bending back over his papers.

There were no bars, and if this man were to die, I vowed right then and there that I would die at his side with him. As his equal.

A meek voice took my attention from my thoughts. “Hello?” I looked up at the sound of Ruthie announcing herself at the entrance to our tent, in a plain green dress that made her dark skin and hair glow. “I heard what happened with your family. I am very sorry.”

José crinkled his forehead in confusion, but I turned to him with a half smile. “Laguna is a small town. News travels fast.”

Ruthie held out a pile of goods. “I brought you these. They’re clothes that I was able to get from the other women around camp. Things that a number of us don’t mind parting with. There is spare fabric so that you can make some things for yourself. If you’d like.”

“Thank you,” I said, rising to accept the bundle.

“Oh, I almost forgot! I also brought you some thread and a few needles.” She reached into her pocket and pulled the items out. “It’s not much.”

“It’s wonderful. Thank you.” I carried everything over to the bed and surveyed my new treasures, looking up to see José smiling at me. I knew I was at peace with my decision.

* * *

As the days progressed, I chose to stay in camp rather than venture into town. The fact that I was openly with José was freely discussed in the streets and I had no desire to face the accusing stares. My position at the hospital had been terminated via a letter from the nuns. José’s temper flared as he read it to me. “How can they disrespect you like this?”