Chapters (58)
Felix didn’t specify how many men she needed to find today. But if she can bring two past the door, surely that should be enough? Gallus is on sentry duty, looking wet and miserable. He shows Amara three fingers. Three women in. “Make sure he knows I brought them,” Amara murmurs, as she passes.
Beronice is waiting in the corridor, bored and chilly in her cloak. One of the men saunters over to claim her. Dido must still be busy. Amara doesn’t even have to ask herself who the third woman is. It will inevitably be Britannica.
Victoria’s room is free, so Amara leads her man in there. Since Felix bought so many women, they have all had to be less particular about where they entertain. I don’t want to do this, Amara thinks, as she draws the curtain. She has lost the sense of horror, the terrible panic that used to overwhelm her. Instead, what she feels is a wordless aversion, a feeling that she has been pushed too far, beyond what she can physically stomach. Think of the money.
She turns and smiles at the man. He is already half-undressed.
“Against the wall,” he says.
Amara waits for Philos to collect her. She sits alone on the hard sack of beans in the storeroom, her head resting on the wall, eyes closed. She tries to imagine herself back in Pliny’s garden, tries to recreate the sense of tranquility, the sound of the fountain. It has been hours since the man from the baths touched her, but she can still feel him. Afterward, she walked to the well in the rain, struggled back with a bucket of icy water, stripped herself off. She tried to scrub away every trace, the water so cold on her skin it was painful. Perhaps when Rufus tells her he loves her later, the feeling might start to fade.
“I hope you don’t show the posh boy such a fucking miserable face.”
She opens her eyes. Felix is standing in the doorway, watching. She didn’t hear him approach. She resists the urge to put her hand to her neck, to check Balbina’s chain is still hidden. “I told you he’s violent,” she says, not bothering to stand up. “A miserable face makes him happy.”