Cannon turns to the Mail’s leader column. Johnny Todd may promise a break from the past, it reads. But yesterday the Labour leader was photographed arm in arm with the most militant socialist in Britain, Mr ‘Strike first, negotiate later’. If this is the company he keeps, how can we be confident that Labour in power won’t yet again revert to its true colours of crushing the enterprise that pays all our bills and taxing all of us till the pips squeak?

‘Johnny almost blew the roof off HQ when he saw that,’ Cannon says. He closes the paper and puts his drink on Kenilworth’s face, ringing it like a target.

‘What do you expect from the Mail?’

‘The truth would be a good start. Feels like the last election all over again, tabloids killing us with vicious scaremongering about our income tax plans.’

‘Don’t be so neurotic. Your lead is huge.’

‘Don’t let Johnny hear you say that.’ He actually scans the room. ‘He’s convinced the Tories will turn it around – with the help of your lot.’

‘What do you mean, my lot? The FC said it was time for a change.’

‘I mean Breitner. The Globe.’

He’s winding me up, deliberately. The Globe is a tabloid, a megaphone for the views of its owner, the South African-born billionaire Jimmy Breitner. My paper, the FC – the Financial Chronicle – is one of the most respected business papers on the planet. Breitner owns us too, but our editorial independence is sacrosanct. Or at least, that’s how I persuade myself it’s OK to work for him.

‘Tax nightmare if Labour wins. We never recovered from that.’ He takes a slug of champagne. The glass looks small in his hand. Five years ago, the Conservatives snatched a win in injury time. Of course Todd is paranoid. Only losers aren’t.

But my thoughts are focusing. Tax nightmare? That’s the second time he’s mentioned tax.

‘When are you announcing that you won’t increase the basic rate of tax?’ I bluff, as if it’s a widely known fact.

‘Fuck off.’

Classic Cannon: a non-denial denial. Time for my first educated fib.

‘Thursday, I’m told.’

‘How the fuck do you know that?’

Bingo.

‘But what really interests me is what you’ll do on the top rate of tax.’

‘Now you can really fuck yourself.’

I smirk. ‘OK. But there is another story I am working on that would be of interest to you.’

Cannon takes the bait. ‘What?’

‘I’ve got a recording of a senior T&G official telling me that Johnny promised to put your friend Kenilworth in the House of Lords.’ I don’t have such a recording. But there are rumours Kenilworth is in line for a peerage if Labour wins the election. ‘BROTHERS IN ERMINE – not a bad headline.’

‘You’re not really going to write that?’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s not true.’