Personally, I am mostly a Fift-Emim mancer. I know, it’s a little strange for a Vail to be obsessed with a Staid match. That is just me. Also, Fift-Emim can be a little edgy, because of course they met on the docks that day, sat in a circle, and did SOMETHING I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT. (I sure hope this essay’s really confidential.) Of course, I don’t write directly about Staid matters. But I admit there’s a little thrill when they lock eyes and someone absentmindedly strokes a spoon.

Now, there is one group of mancers I cannot stand. I am almost ashamed to write about them in this essay, but you did ask me for my thoughts and feelings, and I have strong feelings about this! Should I say it? Okay . . . well, it’s Fift-Shria mancers! Yes, that is a real thing!

I know, I can’t believe it! It’s so unfair to Fift and Shria. These are children we’re talking about!

I will admit that I understand the impulse, though. It’s true (I really HOPE this essay is confidential) that you sometimes see a spark between them, okay? I’ve had this argument so many times, and Fift-Shria mancers have sent me feed-footage, like at some conference or rally when Shria comes out in some amazing outfit and Fift blushes and looks away or whatever. And then zoom, zoom, replay, replay, dragging out that moment of blush-and-look-away, until your own heart is racing and they’ve half convinced you it’s the truth. Or some footage where they’re singing together in some marching crowd, shoulder to shoulder, and an electric look passes between them. Or where they are caught unawares at the end of a feed outage, at the edge of some habitation, laughing and fooling around, almost roughhousing like two Vails, or sitting quietly leaning against each other like two Staids . . . looking so free and connected.

So maybe they do have some feelings for each other! SO WHAT. Feelings are feelings and everybody has weird feelings sometimes, and no one should be ashamed. That’s part of what they are fighting for! Part of why there is marching in the streets . . . why people are so sick of ratings judging everyone and making our lives small. “Joy built on honest foundations,” right? Break the stranglehold of consensus!

But IT IS A FRIENDSHIP, OKAY? Even if they DO occasionally have an impulse to be more . . . And I’m not saying that Fift-Shria mancers’ fantasies are real, but even if they WERE on to something, if that urge WAS really there . . . that would make it even worse to put those stories out into the world WHERE FIFT AND SHRIA COULD FIND THEM. It would make it that much harder for them to resist!