‘What are you doing?’ I asked. My words were barbed with a new indignation, and I didn’t even bother to hide it.

‘Clearing out the desk. I was gonna throw some of the furniture on Craigslist.’

‘You’re selling Dad’s stuff?’

‘Not everything. But what are we gonna do with all this, honey?’

‘Oh, yeah, I don’t know. Might as well smash it. Burn it.’ Mom glared at me, and I understood why. I was being unreasonable. But, God, I couldn’t help but think that Dad would still need it. If it stayed where it stood, if he came back, everything could return to normal – emptying the room was an acknowledgement that no one needed it any more. The desk was staying. ‘I want the desk.’

‘Sydney –’

‘Seriously. I’ll use it.’

Mom sighed. ‘No. No. I don’t think – I don’t think it’s healthy to hold on to stuff like that.’ She continued, unlocked the filing cabinet, and went to toss its contents.

No! I shot from the couch. ‘You can’t throw those away.’

‘I can’t?’

‘Like, legally. They either need to be sent away, or shredded, or something.’ I was talking directly out of my ass. But I needed them. Just in case.

‘Oh, I don’t have time for that. I won’t tell if you won’t, hm?’

‘I’ll do it. I’ll do it. Just, please? I think it would’ve been important to Dad.’

That won. ‘OK,’ she said once, then again. ‘Your way. That’s fine.’ I sat back down, content with my narrow victory – but Mom wouldn’t quit. She took this big, exaggerated breath, sat down too close to me and said, ‘Why are you watching that stuff?’

I didn’t know what to tell her, really, so I just shook my head, swallowed what felt like a rock. Examined her face. Her freckles were exactly like mine, and I wondered, if you mapped them all out on the both of us, where they’d overlap.

‘You doing that, and saying those things, I just … I don’t know, baby. I don’t know how to help you.’

Unable to meet her gaze, I spoke to the ground beside her. ‘I can’t act like it didn’t happen.’

Mom pretended I hadn’t said anything. ‘I was talking to Alyssa Smith’s mom. Do you know her? I think she’s in the grade above you.’

I nodded.

‘She sent Alyssa to this support group after they got divorced. Alyssa, I guess she really loved it. It helped her a lot. Talking to kids her age who were going through the same thing, you know?’

I didn’t like where this was heading.

‘Well, I looked, and the same place has one for teenagers who have lost somebody. Starts in December, around the holidays. Hm? I booked us in for a consultation with the counsellor in a couple of weeks.’