No one needs a relationship. What you need is the basic cop-on to figure that out, in the face of all the media bullshit screaming that you’re nothing on your own and you’re a dangerous freak if you disagree. The truth is, if you don’t exist without someone else, you don’t exist at all. And that doesn’t just go for romance. I love my ma, I love my friends, I love the bones of them. If any of them wanted me to donate a kidney or crack a few heads, I’d do it, no questions asked. And if they all waved goodbye and walked out of my life tomorrow, I’d still be the same person I am today.

I live inside my own skin. Anything that happens outside it doesn’t change who I am. This isn’t something I’m proud of; as far as I’m concerned, it’s a bare minimum baseline requirement for calling yourself an adult human being, somewhere around the level of knowing how to do your own washing or change a toilet roll. All those idiots on the websites, begging for other people to pull their sagging puppet-strings, turn them real: they make me want to spit.

I’ve got two private messages already. Hi what’s the crack?? So check out my profile tell me if u wanna chat. The kid is twenty-three and works in IT, which makes him an unlikely candidate for Aislinn’s top-secret squeeze. Hello beautiful woman, I’d love to know what’s under that stunning exterior. Me: spiritually evolved, very creative, world traveller, people tell me I should really write a novel about my life. Intrigued? Let’s share more. I recognise the profile shot: back when I was in uniform, I arrested the guy for wanking on a bus. Small city. I make a note to check out what he’s been at lately, when I get a spare moment, but it doesn’t feel urgent: there’s no reason why Lucy would have gone squirrelly about this little creep.

I’ve hit the stage where the screen is warping and sliding in front of my eyes. I throw back the last of the cold coffee. Then I log into a very old e-mail account and hit Compose.

Hiya hun, how’s tricks? Too long no see – love to catch up whenever your free. Let me know. Seeya soon – Rach xx

The ‘From’ address says rachelvodkancoke. I read it again. Don’t hit Send.

The light in the room shifts: the motion-sensor lamps out the back have clicked on. I get up, kill the inside lights and move to the side of the kitchen window.