Leni was recalling the words as she lay next to Strasser. He was up in Berlin for a few days, enjoying some leave, and he said that he would like to go out with her one night, out on a date. It was impossible, she had replied—she never got a night off. He was surprised, and insistent, and had attempted to talk her into telling Kitty that she was ill. No way, said Leni, it wasn’t worth the risk. It was a lie, of course. She did indeed want to see Carl in a nonprofessional way, to go out like an ordinary couple, but she had promised herself not to get close to him. It would make her betrayal of him all the harder, and for her own sake, and that of her parents, she had to resist any intimacy.

As a result of her refusal, he had made love savagely, getting back at her. He had even slapped her across the face a few times, calling her “bitch” and “whore,” and had thrust into her as hard as he could. It had hurt, but there was something passionate about it, something heartfelt. He obviously cared for her, and was angry that he couldn’t have her in the way he wanted. It didn’t upset her, because she knew he didn’t mean it, that it was his way of expressing his disappointment. Besides, she had been called—and treated—a lot worse.

“Look at my hands,” she said, breaking the silence. “They’re trembling.”

She held her hands up—they were indeed shaking slightly.

Strasser reached for her left hand with his right, and gripped it. His clasp felt strong, reassuring, steadying her. He held it like that for a minute, until he brought it down to his mouth to give it the lightest kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he said, letting it go. “It’s wrong of me to expect—”

“No, don’t be,” Leni interrupted. “In a normal time, I would have gone out with you like a shot, but I just can’t. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

She turned to face him.

“Perhaps one day we will be able to see each other,” she said. “Properly. We could pretend that we had never slept together.”

“Impossible!” he said, and they both sniggered.

She stroked his nose, and then his pale eyebrows, which caused him to shut his eyes.

“That’s nice,” he murmured.

Leni said nothing.

“I’ll fall asleep if you’re not careful,” he said, letting out a little yawn.

“Well why don’t you?”

“Because Kitty will charge me a month’s pay for the privilege!”

Leni feigned indignation and pinched his nose.

“I’d have hoped you’d paid double that for a night with me.”

“Ow! Let go! You’d be lucky if I gave you a couple of marks.”

Leni tweaked his nipple.

“All right, all right, you win! One mark then!”

“Right! That does it!” she exclaimed, and reached her hand down under the sheets, grabbed his penis, and yanked it hard.