Sure, I said, but I tried to shake him, heading into another bedroom, where I flopped down on the mattress next to a couple of lovers who were naked under the sheets. A man with a face like Jesus and a Japanese girl with pigtails tied with shoelaces. He asked me to kiss her, and she blushed and rolled off of him.

Not that the naked Jesus guy cared, but I told him about my studies. Venous blood is impure, I said, and arterial blood is pure. Did you know that? I bet you didn’t.

Tell me more, he said, and then he started shooting up, right there, next to me.

Here it comes, I knew. He would ask me if I wanted the needle and what would I say? I couldn’t say I was sixteen and I was afraid of sharp objects breaking into my unscarred skin.

Little girl, his girlfriend said, haven’t you ever done this before?

Sorry, I can’t, I said. I’ve got this infectious disease. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s called typhoid.

That shut them up pretty quick. There was no way they would tell anybody I was naive.

I couldn’t watch the needle go in because it reminded me of Amber slicing the soft skin near her thighs.

I thought I’d go find the skinhead girl in the pink underwear and see if I could crash with her in the Empress gutters because the gun guy was following me around and giving me this look from across the room. He seemed like the kind of guy who would get off on using disgusting words to a girl who’s trying to act tough. That was one thing I’ve learned. Some guys get a power trip from making you uncomfortable and showing you up to be prim.

I wondered why I didn’t have the guts to shoot up when I’d been bragging to myself about how I was brave enough to commit a macabre overdose. I’m a hypocrite.

The skinhead girl was gone, the frail girl on the couch told me.

Wow, she said, you look like you’ve just had sex.

I told her I’d been dancing, but she didn’t believe me. By the way, she said, her name’s Denise. If you want to survive, don’t call her skinhead girl.

What is this house? I wanted to ask. How do you all know each other?

Hey, she said suddenly, I seen you before. I seen you going into the Get Laid and Fight. You used to have long red hair, right? Man, I didn’t recognize you. You’ve really changed.

Yeah, I was just a high school stoner kid back then.