You OK, honey? he yelled to me. Got to give him credit. He never told me to smile; he never came into my room.

I went out and sat silent at the kitchen table. He looked like a little bald Buddha in blue overalls. Rhubarb was boiling over, staining the white stovetop I’d just scrubbed. He started talking about the Trees. I didn’t really listen. I’d heard this speech before. The Trees of Eden. The Trees of Paradise. Soon as it was summer he would go up to Tofino. He said, in the forests, he’d build a house with his own hands. He thought I should come with him and learn the crucial skills of carpentry. I couldn’t tell him I had no interest in carpentry.

I would never tell him that.

He was all I had, and he’d done so much for me. He had a good heart. Who could fault him? I guess we were close, but not close enough for me to say, What do you do when you go to a school where girls get a garden hose stuck up in them and smile like they need no comfort?

Seamus and I ate rhubarb soup in front of the TV. Our TV. We had this neighbor who was always giving us stuff. Toasters and hair dryers, a TRS-80, and now the TV. I guess he thought we should get into the electronic age.

Ronald Reagan was on TV smiling in a cowboy hat. He looked like one happy cowboy.

I’ll get you, Seamus was saying. He went over to the screen. I’ll get you, he said, and he tapped the screen.

Dad.

He was pretty high. I don’t think he noticed.

Ronald Reagan kept on smiling.

That garden hose thing was really getting to me. I don’t know why. I didn’t want to go back to school. What I wanted to do was walk around where there was no one my age. No burnouts, no preppies, no jocks, no bops, no nature kids, none of those stupid divisions. It was funny because then I thought of the fever. Though I hadn’t had a high temperature since I was a kid, I could almost remember the way my body burned.

I thought maybe I should get a health note and just stay away from school for a few days till I felt calmer and could smile again. Maybe I’d even start smoking pot, mellow out and relax. Some stoner boys and me would suck on a fat joint. We’d suck the smoke till it was deep in our throats, and then we’d laugh and laugh. The stoner boys would turn to me and I’d be stoned out of my head. They’d say, Sara, you’re so sweet. You used to be the Ice Queen, but now you’re so sweet and kind.