Anyway, when the time came to vote on the proposal to paint imaginary curtains in the windows of the disused storeroom at the back of the International Affairs Department, Macintosh failed to turn up, Goldwasser never heard what the proposal was, Riddle said scarcely enough against it for Haugh to agree with her even temporarily, and Rowe consciously and deliberately voted in favour.

He felt a sense of release at his decision. At last he was shaking off the fetters of youth and leaving irresponsibility behind. At last he was becoming a sound man.

19

Where on earth does one buy a pair of ceremonial gold tape-cutting scissors? The Protocol Committee did not know, and asked the Sub-Committee on Ceremonial. The Sub-Committee on Ceremonial turned in bewilderment to the Joint Advisory Committee on Protocol and Ceremonial, and the Joint Advisory Committee on Protocol and Ceremonial, on Haugh’s advice, asked Haugh.

Haugh rapidly found a magazine called Ceremonial Ware News, and from the advertisements there selected a firm called the Empire Ceremonial Supply Company, Limited, which looked as if it catered for the better-class trade, and was a member of the Ceremonial Waremongers’ Fidelity Guarantee Scheme.

‘Ceremonial golden scissors?’ said the manager when Haugh visited their showrooms. ‘Certainly, sir. Made-to-measure? Or can I show you something from our comprehensive range of ready-to-use ware? They’re very popular in these busy days.

‘What had you in mind, sir? Rolled gold, gold plate, silver gilt, or solid gold? Chased, jewelled, or plain? Did you want left-handed or right-handed? Now, as far as length goes I can do you anything from six inches to twenty-eight inches. If you want anything outside that I’m afraid they’ll have to be specially made.

‘Now here’s rather a nice model, sir. This is the Sandringham. A very nice scissor – a very nice scissor, indeed. Perhaps you’d like to hold it, sir. Do you feel how snugly it sits in the hand? Try it on this demonstration tape here . . . that’s right, sir. Lovely action, isn’t it?

‘Or perhaps you’d prefer something more traditional? Have a look at the Osborne. A very conservative scissor, this one. I expect some people would think it was a bit old-fashioned, but as a matter of fact we sell quite a lot of them. Oh, yes, there’s something about tradition, isn’t there, sir, whatever they say . . .

‘This one, sir? This is the Holyrood. It’s a heavy-duty scissor for the thicker tape. You’ll find some of your big contractors and engineering firms put up a very heavy gauge tape if you don’t watch them.

‘Now this one’s the Balmoral. Very fashionable now, sir. More what they call the Italian cut. It’s a very smart piece of scissoring, sir – in tremendous demand among the younger set.

‘Of course, if you have a budget to bear in mind – and who hasn’t, these days? – you might prefer to invest in a used pair. Yes, of course. Would you step this way, sir? We have a very representative stock of guaranteed used ware. It has of course all been serviced in our own workshops. I beg your pardon, sir? Oh, the original inscriptions removed, sir. Not at all, sir, not at all. A very sensible question.