“Lizzy has two strong parents who have careers in life and death. I don’t shield her from reality, I put it in perspective. I don’t have to tell you that she’s an amazing kid. I’m not saying balance is easy—parenthood is not always easy. But kids pick up on everything. It’s better to share from the heart than to keep everything bottled up inside.”

“Share? This?” She waved her hand toward her den.

“Like I said, with perspective. You’re not going to show her your crime scene photos, you don’t have to share details, but she knows bad people exist in the world, and she’s proud of you—I am proud of you—that you’re one of the people with the compassion and skill to help put them behind bars.”

“If only it were that easy.”

Chris took the wineglass from her hand and put it on the counter. He put his glass next to hers, put his arms on her arms. Stared at her. For that moment, she wanted to go home with him. To their quiet green acres in Stafford. To forget murder, to forget violence.

But she could never get it out of her mind, never completely. And that’s why she had left.

He leaned forward, gently pressed his lips to hers, then looked her in the eye.

“I love you. You’re my wife, separation notwithstanding. I will be here for you, whether you return to the FBI, go on sabbatical, or leave. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve told you this over and over, but you don’t listen. When you fall, I will pick you up. You will always have a home base, and I refuse to let you use our daughter as an excuse not to come home. We both take you as you are.”

Her voice cracked. “I don’t deserve a family.”

“Stop.” He kissed her again. She was so tense, so wound up; she was on the edge of destruction.

But for Chris. He touched her, caressed her, kissed her. It was new and familiar at the same time. They had loved each other for so long—that would never change. He was a rock, her rock. She returned his kisses, as if no time had passed. As if they hadn’t been living apart for eight months.

He groaned, as if he, too, sensed her anguish, her fear, her hesitation disappearing. Groaned out of lust, of love, of need.

She melted under Chris’s love, and they moved, entwined, to the bedroom.

“I will always love you,” she told him. Then words weren’t necessary.

Tonight, she could bask in the light.

13

Friday, March 5
Spokane
7:00 a.m. PT

Jim Esteban had flown in from Dallas so late the night before that Matt hadn’t had the chance to touch base, but they met in the operations room Ryder had set up in the hotel at seven that morning. The war room—as Matt thought of it—was a regular room that Ryder had cleared of beds and other furniture and installed with four desks. It adjoined both Ryder’s room and Matt’s room. Matt didn’t know how Ryder had accomplished this setup so quickly, but he was more than happy with his young analyst, who seemed also to be a logistics expert.