‘Yes dear?’ I said. That was going too far. I never called him ‘dear’ just like that. He looked at me without smiling. ‘Whatsa matter?’ I asked. That was the wrong thing to say too. Why should anything be the matter? I began to work myself into a rage. If anything was the matter it was his infidelity. His unforgivable infidelity. Bastard.

But he wanted to talk about money. Robert worried much more about money than he did about human relationships. In this he was quite different from me. All right, in a way I did expect money to grow on trees. In a way, for me, it did. It was the fault of my aunts. They had the minds of merchants. To the merchant there is always something to buy and sell, and even if you don’t make a profit the money goes round and round. I did not have the mentality of a merchant. I had the mentality of a child of merchants. That is, I thought money grew on trees. Robert, needlessly, reminded me of this and he intended his remarks as a reproach. I could not see why an ability to account and save should be considered a moral attribute; and I could see nothing wrong in spending money when you had it. Just as long as you always had something to sell should the need arise. He said we were not too badly off at the moment for, while his pictures did not yet command a great price, the exhibition should prove to be a financial success. He said the money he had made in the deal over his grandpapa’s things was a help, but he also said that we had to pay off our debts, and to this end he had borrowed a little money from Syl in order to enable us to travel to Scotland without touching the money in the bank.

What? He’d borrowed money from Syl? When? What did they talk about while he was doing this borrowing? And what was that story—the one about the man who wanted to sleep with the merchant’s wife? She said it would cost him, so he borrowed the money from the merchant, had his fun, and when the merchant asked for the money back he said he’d already given it to his wife. Why did I think of that story? It was the other way round wasn’t it? My mind was fuddled but I was relieved Robert was only talking about money. As for human relationships I’d decided to call it quits for the time being. I knew that no matter what he’d done, when the chips were down I’d be the one to get the blame. All the blame. I would just wait, and one of these days ... I made a vow. And I alwqys kept my word.

‘Why are we going to Scotland, Robert?’ I asked, climbing into bed sideways with my knees together and smelling of toothpaste and talcum.