David Hume: It is contrary to the law of God, for according to religious beliefs everything is foreseen by Him and nothing happens except by His will. (Exegesis of On Suicide by Reines.)

The Tosafists, before Hume: While everything is predisposed by Heaven, it is not written that anyone must end his own life in water or in fire.

2

Suicide is contrary to natural law since nothing in nature destroys itself. (Josephus, in the History of the War of the Jews Against the Romans.)

Suicide is not contrary to nature; it gives free rein to the individual’s own discernment of how to dispose of his life. (Hume, in his essay on suicide.)

•

The meeting with the boss. He orders coffee and mineral water. He orders that we be left alone.

He appears to think I’m there to speak to him about some routine new matter, because he says, “First I want take advantage of seeing you to let you know not to work too hard on the series.” I remind him that he already told me that and he begs my pardon: “Oh, yes. I have so much on my mind!” That’s true. If I were in his place I’d accomplish far less and bungle far more. But we’re different.

He hasn’t yet asked for a complete report, though that’s his system; on a certain day he’ll say I have to finish up and I’ll know that the free flying is over and I have to lock myself in and pay for my vagabonding by writing the entire series within a week, maximum.

This time, on my own initiative, and because I have a specific goal in mind, I tell him everything. The students—“I am going to kill myself,” “Me, too”—and the elderly father, made suicidal by love, but who drifted off to sleep instead; the police, who aren’t cooperating, but Piel Blanca is, and also wants to get married: What do you think of her? Then Tío Eduardo, the voices, Emilia . . . the nude portrait, the dog, the lawyer, the hand.

A lovely narrative chaos, since I have a full hour at my disposal. He glances at his watch but stays interested. When I’m done, he tells me, “It might work,” which I take for an initial sign of approval. Even so, he laments, “It won’t be any use, there are no buyers, at this point we have only one magazine, in Caracas, four-color, paying in dollars, naturally. We need at least two more and between fifteen and twenty newspapers. At least.”

I ask whether the series is canceled. He says not yet. I say, then let’s get on with it. He looks at his watch and I tell him, “I’m finishing up here. The only thing left is the primary witness. That’s you.”

He doesn’t take this for a joke, which it isn’t. On the contrary it seems to bother him. For, I tell him, he has work to do, too.