Her shaking became violent for half an hour and then she relaxed. I gave her something to drink and the two pills she took three times a day, but she could not swallow. She almost began to make sense, but I could not make anything out fully. Something like “she away” or “she way,” but more like grunts than words. And then she died. It was hard to tell at what moment this happened, when there was life and when there was no life. Her mouth was open and her eyes seemed alive, but there was no breath and no pulse. Maybe she could still hear and I should have said something then, maybe I should have told her that I loved her and I was grateful to her and I would be all right, but I kept my finger and thumb on her pulse to see if it would start up again. It did not. It was easy to close her eyes and close her mouth.

I did not know how long it would take for her body to become rigid. I decided to stay with her for a while. I wanted to lie beside her. I held her hand. I looked at her face, trying to make sure that I would always be able to remember what she looked like. The room was absolutely still. I was afraid to open the door, to return to the real world. I wanted to postpone any move, I wanted to let the minutes go by, minute by minute by minute my mother’s soul was seeping out of her until there was nothing. I let time pass.

As soon as I opened the door and went out into the hall, I began to cry. I went into my own room and lay face down on the bed. I was alone now, there was nobody in the world who knew me, or who loved me. I had lost whatever anchor I had had in the world: nothing I did mattered to anyone. I went to the telephone and I rang Mr. Walters, who must have had an extension beside the bed, because he picked up the phone immediately and said that he would dress himself and come to the apartment as soon as he could.

I thought of the crowds strolling in the streets of the city, the cinemas emptying out, the bars, the restaurants, people driving home, hailing taxis, waiting for buses. The whole bright busy world. And my mother lying dead in a darkened room. I went and sat beside her body until Mr. Walters came.