TWO DAYS LATER I went out to the house by the marina and I collected my clothes and other belongings and threw them into the back seat of the car. As I went through a drawer in the bedroom I found the numbers which Susan had given me in case I needed to contact her. I rang her mother’s number; her mother picked up the phone and said that Susan had just gone out but would be back in twenty minutes. I told her who I was and said that I would telephone in twenty minutes. I felt easier and lighter, the mere knowledge that I would be able to tell somebody whom I knew the story of my illness had relieved me of some of its weight. I walked down to the water, looking forward to telling Susan my news, the way other people might look forward to telling a friend that they were going to get married, or were going to have a baby. It was a cold windy day, the ropes were beating against the mastheads of the boats, white clouds were blowing across the sky, and the water was tawny, almost red. I sat down on the stone steps, and for the first time I felt almost happy, glad to be alive now, no matter what was going to happen in the future. I thought that maybe I should come back to live out here, and maybe I should go back to work as well, try to live normally, as though there were nothing wrong, rather than waiting for the worst, as I was doing now. I also knew that I would have to get in touch with Pablo.

I walked back up to the house and telephoned Susan once more. I knew that I was going to tell her everything that had happened, but I did not work out how I was going to begin. This time she answered the phone herself. Her voice was warm and her tone familiar and friendly. I wished that she was in the city, and I could see her now or soon.

“Susan, I wanted to tell you that I have AIDS. I was diagnosed.”

Suddenly, I began to cry. It was as though saying it made all the difference, brought home that it was true, made clear what it meant. She kept saying that she was sorry, she was sorry.

“I always thought that you had been careful,” she said. “I don’t know why.”

“I have no idea who infected me, or when,” I said. “But they don’t think it was recently.”

“There has been stuff here in the papers about new drugs,” she said.

“I’d be grateful if you could see if there’s anything new.”

“I know a few doctors, I’m sure I’d be able to get you whatever drugs are available.” I told her the story of my stay in the hospital. She said she would find out about doctors and call me back.