I knew that the HIV virus was mainly passed on by anal intercourse, by letting someone come inside you. I thought back over the times I had done this, but it had been years ago. A nurse arrived to take my temperature; a doctor came to listen to my chest. Another nurse took my chart away. I lay there wanting this to be over. I thought about swimming in warm water, of lying back and floating in the sea. I thought about sex with Pablo when I met him first.

And then, it must have been about five o’clock, the American doctor appeared. I smiled at him and tried to sit up. He did not smile. I thought that he was here to tell me it was negative, but I must be careful in the future. I was absolutely sure that it was okay. He closed the door behind him and walked across the room until he was standing with his back to the window.

“It’s positive,” he said. “I’ve checked it twice and it’s positive. I’m very sorry to have to tell you this.”

“This is a nightmare,” I said. I wanted to push back the time, make it one minute earlier, make him cross the room again and tell me that it was okay. He looked calm as he stood there.

“I’m very sorry to have to tell you this,” he said again. “We were pretty sure when we saw the strain of pneumonia, but obviously we had to do the test.”

“How long have I had it?”

“The virus? It’s hard to say, ten years, eight years, six years.”

“Could I have got it in the last two years?”

“I would say not. It’s very unlikely.”

“What’s the prognosis?”

“We’ll work at treating the PCP, which is the type of pneumonia associated with HIV, but it will take time, and, to be frank, there may be other complications.”

“Like?”

“Your immune system is very weak, and has been considerably weakened by the PCP, and there’s very little we can do about that.”

“Do you mean that I don’t have much time?”

“I don’t know what’s around the corner. You can never tell, but at the moment, well, at the moment, we’ll just have to do our best.”

“How long do I have?”

“It always depends on the person. If you were in your twenties, you would be stronger, but we should concentrate on dealing with what you have now. I’ll come back in the morning and maybe we can talk more then. Again, I’m really sorry for being the one who had to tell you this.”

“Is there no chance it could be something else?”

“I’ll have a second blood test done, but I would say not.”

“Am I going to die then?”

He looked at me and said nothing. He turned and looked out of the window.

“Things do not look good. I must say that to you. I have a counselor outside, and she would like to come in and talk to you now.”